Tuesday, August 4, 2009

POP goes the belly - BYE goes the sleep

I am big. I feel huge, but I am at least big. I feel swollen all over and my hips and legs hurt pretty much constantly.

DH treated me to a pregnancy massage a couple of weekends ago and it was heavenly. The only problem is that now I know how good I could feel if I could have one every day. Okay, three times a day would be nice...

We are still not very far along with the nursery. The walls are primed and the ceiling is painted and, well, yeah. That's about it. We have it narrowed down to two colors (I think) and I got the message today that the glider is at the store waiting for us to pick it up. We finally ordered the dresser and chest two weeks ago and we are receiving gifts, one by one, from friends and well-wishers.

Really, I just want to write about how huge I feel. I hurt. A lot.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Lots to catch up on

Where to begin. I am not even going to make excuses for why I have not written in a month.

DH felt baby kick on June 6, but just barely. He "thought" he felt him. The very next day, June 7th, he definitely felt him moving around. One recent June morning, we were spooning and the baby was kicking me really hard, very frequently. I wrapped DH's arm around me a little lower and placed his hand over the middle, left side of my belly. BOOM! DH just said, "Wow." He buried his face in my neck and we laid there while the baby said his booming hellos from inside of me. The strength of his kicks and punches is truly amazing.

I do not really sleep anymore. I developed really bad hemorrhoids in June and the pain from those has made sleeping a bit tough. That pain, along with needing to pee several times a night, the baby waking me up with his kicks (I love it!), and the body aches, has really made my definition of a good night's sleep change pretty drastically. Poor DH is not sleeping so well either, though. Almost every time I get up to go to the bathroom, he awakes as well and asks if everything is okay. It is so very sweet that he wants to make sure baby and I are doing well, but I feel guilty that his sleep is disrupted. I guess what "they" say is true - your body really prepares you for the lack of sleep you will experience after baby comes into the world.

So, the hemorrhoids. They were bad. Really bad. I was bleeding a lot from the anus and the pain was, at times, just unbearable. One Saturday night, DH had to go out to CVS to buy creams and a sitz bath, along with ice packs and witch hazel. I just started using everything possible. The OB prescribed a corticosteroid at my last appointment (Proctofoam - love the name), but, after reading about it and knowing that it crosses the placenta, I just could not bring myself to use it. It remains unfilled at the pharmacy up the street. I visited my PCP (who is a mother of two and due with her third a week before my due date) and she prescribed something as well. I am not using that either, but things are healing well at this point. I did start taking Colace and it has helped things move a bit, at least.

I have become very used to the baby's routine. He is active in the middle of the night, again around 8:00 or 8:30 in the morning, at 2:00 in the afternoon, and again between 9:00 and 10:00 at night. He grew pretty still for about two days and I got a bit nervous. When I really stopped to concentrate on him, though, I found that I could feel his little kicks and punches. Last night, for the first time, I felt him rolling around. The feel of a roll is very different - and totally weird. Very cool, of course, but so weird.

My parents came over for the 4th of July last night and both of them felt the baby kick. My dad felt several little ones and my mom felt on big one and a couple of small ones. They were tickled.

I guess that is about it.

We picked the crib up a couple of weeks ago and it sits, disassembled until we get the rest of the nursery together. We finally ordered a glider chair after three long and tortured visits to BuyBuyBaby to figure out what we wanted. We are now looking to order the rest of the nursery furniture and will likely do so this coming week. I cannot believe I am six-and-a-half months pregnant. October sounds like a while away from July, but it is right around the corner!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

(sigh) I'm such a slacker

I cannot believe how much time I have let pass since I last wrote. As is what happens with life, life got in the way of my planned living. We had just finished demolishing the guest bathroom to make it super baby friendly (and just nicer in general) when the basement flooded. The same thing happened 14 months ago, at which time we had redone the entire thing and been thrilled with the results. It was going to be a great playroom... and will again. The problem, of course, is that, now, we have two construction projects going in the house at the same time. That fact, coupled with DH's business trip to New York the week after the flood has meant that there has not been much time to do things like... blog.

Enough of the excuses. Well, since my last writing, I think the biggest thing to happen is the halfway point. Last week marked the top of the pregnancy hill. It is a bit overwhelming to think that we are more than halfway through the time until the little guy arrives, but, like most things with this pregnancy, the mixed emotion involved is excitement. It is awesome to think about his arrival. I cannot wait to meet him, to see his little face, to know what he likes and does not like, etc., etc.

He is moving all over the place. The last doctor's appointment (a week ago from last Friday), the doc tried to listen to the heartbeat and ended up hearing it very briefly before giving up, saying he was squiggling all over the place. "He's a squirmer!" the doc said. Now I just cannot wait to have DH feel him kick... it is coming soon, I am sure.

Friday, May 8, 2009

From Team Green to ...

The basement flooded on Wednesday night. I know that, at first blush, a basement flood does not seem to have much to do with a baby or pregnancy, but, in my crazy life, it does.

Our basement flooded 14 months ago and we woke up to find the damage already done. It was stressful, but we really took it in stride. On Wednesday night, however, we were just getting ready to pack it in and head to bed when DH looked over and shouted, "Oh S**T!" I looked over, mirrored his sentiment, and started running around like the crazy pregnant lady I am. Having built up in the stairwell, the water was coming through the door andwe were watching it happen. I grabbed every towel, sheet, and towel- or sheet-like object I could find. It was not until I was leaning against the door (in just my underwear - my robe was terrycloth) with the equivalent of a white sale that I realized I was hyperventilating and hurting. I was hurting quite a bit. My abdomen, in fact, was filled with shooting pains. I tried to calm myself down and, with DH's help, calmed my breathing. The pain remained.

I thought about heading to the hospital but decided against it, figuring that rest would make the pain go away. When I awoke just after 7:00 a.m. the next day, the pain was still around. There was more discomfort than pain, but I was worried, so I called the doc. He decided that it would be good to "take a look at the baby." I was grateful because I am pretty sure he was making that decision to ease my mind rather than out of concern.

11:30 a.m. - doc's office for an ultrasound.
12:00 p.m. - in ultrasound room.
12:02 p.m. - ultrasound tech types in, "Anatomy Check"

And that was it - we were going to find out the gender of our baby. We did not want to know while I was prone on an uncomfortable table, covered in goo, so I asked the tech to not tell us if she was able to tell and instead to write it down at the end of the appointment so we could find out when DH and I were together and home.

About five minutes into the ultrasound, DH said, "Hey! The baby just punched you." I said, "Yeah. Baby beats me up."

Baby looked perfect. All the measurements were just right or ahead and there are no signs of any potential problems. Depsite all of the poking and rubbing, baby did not change positions even once the whole exam. The tech was going crazy because we were able to see everything except the correct view of the spine. Baby just would not turn. The tech took a break at one point and, when she left the room, DH threatened to "turn this car around" unless baby turned. Baby did not care. After an hour had passed, the tech finally gave up on seeing the spine and went to get the doctor. Wouldn't you know? Baby turned in that amount of time and we saw the spine - also looking perfect. Stubborn, yes, but a real performer when it mattered.

We got home and went about some business with the house and with some work matters to which we both needed to attend. After I had finished all of my work, I told DH that I wanted both of us to write down what gender we thought the baby was the day before, what gender we thought after the exam, and the funniest name we could think of for that gender. He said, "Let's just look now." (Neither of us could stand knowing such an amazing piece of information was on a piece of paper just a few feet away.)

We went into the family room with the envelope, sat down on the couch, looked at the ultrasound pictures we had been given and then flipped them over.


A boy! A little boy! My son. A tiny DH. It's a BOY!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Reading to my belly

DH read "OH, Baby, The Places You'll Go!" to my belly last night. Well, he read to the baby, but I think he is still wrapping his head around that. He obviously knows on one level that he is reading to our little one, but I am pretty sure he mostly feels like he is reading to my stomach. Emotionally, it is a big jump to read to the baby, and, really, it is an even bigger jump to read to something sort of, well, not there in immediate sight.

It was really neat, though, to hear DH work through Dr. Seuss's made-up words and rhyme schemes. It was adorable and I loved it and I love him for loving our baby. Great night.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Slacker is back with a nosebleed

The photos below are of my torso at five weeks (bottom) and 16 weeks (top). Still no bump, but I am definitely looking more full-waisted!

A lot has been happening. So much, in fact, that I have let way too much time pass since I last wrote. I was never good at keeping a journal growing up... not sure why I thought I would be any better now. I am trying, though! As my mommy mantra requires me to state, "I do not have to be perfect. Just good enough."

I was driving down the road last week, DH behind me, when I reached up because my nose was a little drippy. Lo and behold - blood! I was no longer able to escape the pregnancy bloody nose. It was brief and not bad, but I was afraid that bloody nose was just the beginning of many. So far, no more (knock on wood). At least I know my body's blood flow has increased for baby.

Also last week, my daily pregnancy calendar noted that, if I shine a flashlight on my belly, the baby will move to cover his or her eyes. DH and I gave it a shot and - pow! - I felt baby move. I, of course, have not idea if the baby was annoyed and eye-covering, or startled and jumpy, but, regardless of how I harassed my baby, I felt movement. It was awesome.

Last night, we ordered the crib and we are very excited. It's a big purchase, baby's bed, and it feels good to know we are on the road to nurserydom.

Today marks two weeks until the big ultrasound. We cannot wait to see baby again!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Baby needs to sleep

Baby needs to sleep. No, the little one is not (yet) moving around at night and keeping me awake. I am currently dwelling on the fact that we have to figure out what furniture to buy. The choices and variety of price points are overwhelming. I know... I should be used to this overwhelmed feeling by now, but I'm just not. We went to Buy Buy Baby on Sunday night and received an entire hour-long session on cribs and mattresses. Do we want drop-sided or static? Convertible or crib-only? If want a convertible, should it go just to toddler bed? Or also to full-size bed? Then, of course, are all of the questions that go along with the answers. If you want a convertible, are you sure you won't need the crib for a second child in the next few years? Umm... can I just get this one into the world before I start to think about the second one? PLEASE?!?

I have been having these little pains for a few days now. At first I thought perhaps I was feeling the baby earlier than most women feel their child, but then I realized that the description of a "flutter" that women use to discuss the first feelings of baby's movement did not quite capture the pangs I am feeling. Then, I thought that perhaps I am feeling baby's hiccups - it's about the right timing and the description of a feeling of "muscle jerks" is more in line with said pangs. No, pretty sure that is not it either. Maybe it is Braxton-Hicks contractions. Some women do feel them in the second trimester, but I am just starting the second trimester, so that does not make much sense. I have a scheduled appointment for Thursday, so I am holding out for two more days, though I did call the doctor's office to ensure that was the best course of action. As I have not had any bleeding, they agreed.

Side note - I can't believe we are having the "big ultrasound" in less than a month! Is baby be a boy or a girl? So exciting!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Mama Genes and Mama Jeans

How do I know I have the mother gene? Everyone who knows me seems so confident that I will make a great mother. I recognize that I am a caring person to whom most people find it very easy to talk. I know that I have a pretty good sense of humor and can keep my cool when it counts. What does all of that really mean? Yes, I am intuitive, but does that mean I will know what my baby needs? Would not being able to distinguish the dirty diaper cry from the hungry cry make me less of a mom? Sure, I know how to change a diaper and bathe a youngun, but does that make me more ready to be a good mom than someone who has never done those things?

In the end, I think it does come down to having a mom gene. I also have to - choose to - believe that it is also a lot about the desire to be a good mom. I have decided - and keep telling myself - that I do not have to be perfect... just good enough. Okay, so I want to be a little better than good enough, but I do not expect perfection from myself, my husband, or my child. Is that not a step on the road to "good" in terms of momminess? Sure hope so.

Now onto mommy jeans. I am not wearing them yet. I still have not gained any weight and that is plain weird. My waist is six - SIX! - inches thicker than before getting pregnant and yet I weigh less. Go figure. I have looked at those mommy jeans, though, and I have to say that they do not look so bad. Elastic instead of denim digging into my waist? CHECK!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Told the boss

I am such a chicken. I had no idea how much of a chicken I am.

I decided that yesterday was the day to tell the boss of our little miracle in development. I was 13 weeks, 3 days, and could not find a reason not to go ahead and share the news. Part of me wanted to just let me belly speak for itself, but since I am not even close to showing yet, decided my mouth should instead do the work.

I planned to tell her first thing in the morning. Didn't tell her until 3:30 in the afternoon. I am such a chicken. I kept gearing up and then chickening out. I called DH, who asked what I was afraid she would do, and I could only answer the truth, "Nothing. She will probably be really happy for me." So why the fear? I have no idea.

I ended up in her office at 3:30 and it went something like this: "Boss, I have never done this before and don't really know how, so I am just going to say it. I am pregnant." She said she was happy for me, asked how much time I would likely want to take off (don't know - at least 12 weeks), and we discussed how we would fill my job in my absence.

So, that's done. One more checklist item complete. 6 months and 1 day until the due date!

Migraine Hell

I have suffered from migraines nearly monthly (on the same timeline as my period) for about 12 years. The lack of their appearance throughout the first trimester was fantastic. I started to get a headache last Thursday. On Friday, I took the second Tylenol of my pregnancy and figured the nuisance would go away. Well, Saturday was the same. Sunday was awful. Monday, my day off - full-fledged migraine. My mother-in-law was in town and I really wanted to spend some quality time with her as she does not make it for a visit very often. Well, instead, I spent the day on the couch in the basement while she and DH did some touristy things around the area. I fought the guilt, but really did not have much choice but to play introvert thanks to the pain.

I called the doctor on Monday morning and they prescribed Fioricet to fight the miserable headache. DH picked up the prescription for me and I really did not want to take it. If I wanted to have a chance to function, however, I did not have a lot of choice. I took one at 11:30 a.m. and another six hours later. That pretty much did the job. Let's hope that is the last of that!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Much to catch up on

I know, I know. I have continued to slack. Work has continued to be absolutely crazy and I have continued to be absolutely exhausted. Anyway, enough excuses... onto the baby talk...

We looked at daycare options last week. I had very mixed feelings in touring the centers. On one hand, I thought, "Well, this is pretty nice, really, what was I worried about? These kids seems really content." On the other hand, I could not help thinking, "Oh no. I am going to leave my child here? With these people?" I would then start critiquing - "They don't _____." Insert any one of many options into that blank: speak English well; hold that baby the right way; pay attention to the sleeping child; clean up quite as thoroughly as I would. Yeah, because I am so perfect. And goodness knows I will be even less perfect once baby is in this world. All in all, it is just hard to think of leaving my child with someone else for the majority of the day each work day. Really hard. Even the idea of someone else feeding my baby my breast milk. It just feels wrong. It is not an option for me, though, to be with my child all day, so it is something I need to start getting a little more used to.

We had the "12 week" appointment at 11 weeks and 5 days. The nurse found the heartbeat right away - 156. We were excited to hear it again. It is so amazing that there are two hearts beating inside of me. The doctor then did the pelvic exam and that was not-so-exciting. I bled. A lot. That meant that I got to continue to lay on the table while the nurse went to get something to clot the bleeding and heal the scraped spots. All women experience softening of the cervix during pregnancy - apparently mine is worse than most. Great. That should make for more fun down the line.

We have started to tell friends and select colleagues about our joy. It has been great seeing/hearing everyone's reactions. I am looking forward to more conversations with others. I still have to figure out when to tell my boss. That will definitely be fodder for a blog entry.

We have scheduled the 20 week ultrasound for May 18th. Very exciting. Though we have not decided for certain that we are going to get the best guess on the gender, we are pretty sure we are going to ask. I plan, though, to ask the tech to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope for us. We can then unveil it together at home, rather than learning while I am half-naked on the office's table. Plus, we can save the paper for the baby book!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Slacker me gets a smooch

Wow, so, I guess I have really been slacking on the blog. Work has gotten even busier, which did not seem possible. Between that and preparing for a friend to visit last weekend, I guess time just got away from me.

Let's see... my friend came for a visit for the weekend and it was wonderful to see her. I told her pretty immediately about the baby and she was very excited. I was a little nervous because she really wants to have children and her husband is just not interested. I knew she would be excited for me but I was afraid the excitement would be mixed with some not-so-good feelings and I did not want to make her feel sad. Of course, she reminded me of why she is such a wonderful friend and did not project any of what she is dealing with onto my situation. We spoke at length about her situation as well, but she was great about keeping the two separate.

I was so tired when she was in town. We walked around town a lot and stayed up pretty late. The combination about killed me. I could have slept the entire day on Sunday.

The 12 week appointment is Thursday. I will be 11 weeks, 5 days. Confession - I actually think I will be 11 weeks, 2 days. I think I am three days behind what the due date says. I guess we will see if I am closer when they date the baby this time. I am very excited to see the little one again and I know DH can't wait either.

Still not much weight gain. One pound, but I am sure that it will all catch up to me soon. I am really not "showing" at all and my clothes all still fit (maybe feeling a little tighter in the belly). My bras do not fit and I have had to invest in some a cup size up.

We are going to tour daycare centers tomorrow. Sigh. Hate thinking about leaving this little darling with strangers and I so desperately hope we find one we like... and one we like that actually has an opening by October!

Oh, and, DH kissed my belly for the first time this morning. I about melted.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I want to tell!

Oooh. I want to tell people about baby so badly! I decided long ago (before I got the BFP) that I did not want people to know until after the first trimester had ended. I decided that even more definitely after getting the BFP. We have told our parents and siblings and two close friends, but have otherwise kept our mouths shut. It is getting really hard.

From taking time off of work to visit daycare centers (we live in a big city, so need to be on waiting lists and we are already behind) to feeling sick and tired to being so excited, it is really difficult keeping this wonderful secret!

One of my best friends is coming to town this weekend. I would have told her by now, but decided to wait to tell her in person since I knew she was coming for a visit. I am excited to get to spread the news to one more person. DH asked last night how I plan to tell her. I am pretty sure I am just going with, "I'm pregnant," or something very similar. We have done the cute presentations with our families, so I am ready to just start blurting it!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Random thoughts

I cannot really wrap my head around much today. I think I may be experiencing the start of pregnancy brain, as of yesterday. So, random thoughts follow.

My symptoms are still largely missing. I am still not sleeping all that well and I definitely have some nausea come and go, but, overall, I am doing really well. It is almost a little scary. I will be glad to get to the doc next week for the second appointment.

This pelvic rest thing stinks. I am also hopeful that will come to an end after the appointment. I am expecting doc to say all is clear, but I do not want to chance it.

We have taken the first official steps on the house for preparing for our little one to arrive. We moved the office into the smallest bedroom to clear the way for one of the corner rooms to be the nursery. It is exciting, but also overwhelming. Looking at the empty room (well, empty except for boxes of crap that needs to be moved to the attic, sold, or thrown away) makes me realize all of the things we need to do to be ready for baby. AND how much all of the things we will need cost!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Feeling better

I am not sure where it came from, but I am very happy it is here and I hope it sticks around. A bit of confidence, that is. I am actually feeling like I can handle this whole pregnancy and motherhood thing while still balancing work and my marriage. It feels good. I am also feeling a bit better lately (for the last two days) and sleeping a bit better. I am exhausted, but I am okay with that. I have functioned while tired before.

Part of it, I think, is realizing that I have family and friends to support me. A lot of it is recognizing more and more every day that DH is going to continue to be a wonderful partner and that he is going to be one amazing dad. I am so grateful for my loved ones. I am bursting to tell so many people about the baby!

One of my best friends is coming to town next weekend and I am very excited to share the news with her in person. I probably would have told her by now, but, knowing she was coming to town, made me decide to wait. The tricky part with her is that her husband does not want to have children and she very much does. I know she will be very happy and excited for us, but part of me is feeling a bit guilty about expressing my joy to her.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Pregnancy Karma

We travelled over the weekend - to DH's hometown to share the news with his family. We stayed with friends and, on Saturday morning, I awoke to spotting. I was reading "The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy" the night before and it warned that you should not take your good fortunes of pregnancy too lightly because pregnancy karma would get you. I had simply mentioned to my friend on Friday night - during a conversation about my symptoms - that I was so glad I had not spotted at all. Karma hit me in the face all right!

I called the doctor on call and she said to go to the emergency room if I started to bleed like I was having my period and to take it easy. I got a kick out of this - "Do not insert anything into your vagina. So, no intercourse." Well, duh, I would think intercourse counts as inserting something into my vagina. The doc also said to call the office on Monday for an appointment if the spotting continued until then.

Everything cleared up by Sunday, so I was very relieved. I cannot believe I am already 9 weeks and 3 days! That means it has been more than five weeks since the BFP. Time has flown and yet I still cannot wait until the 26th when we have the next ultrasound.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Today's Feelings (physical and emotional)

I am feeling pretty well today, considering I got almost no sleep last night. I am sure the lack of sleep will slam me later today or in the morning, but I am thankful that I am feeling well otherwise. It is the first day since even before the BFP that I have not felt sick to my stomach and ravenous all at once. I am also not feeling bloated and my breasts hurt (a little) less than usual. I will take it!

I have been thinking a lot about working and being a mom. I am still not sure how anyone does it and feels that they are doing a good job as an employee or as a mother, but it seems to work and I am sure it will for me, too. DH will ask from time-to-time if I want to move. When he asked last night, I answered, "Sometimes." I know, though, that staying home would not work for me. So much of who I am is in my career and I have worked hard to get where I am. Sine a happy, fulfilled mommy makes a happy, fulfilled baby, I know I will be a career mom and I am okay with that. DH and I will figure it out.

We are telling my in-laws this weekend. We are not using as much pomp and circumstance surrounding the reveal, but I know it will be special nonetheless. We are also telling close friends this weekend. It is getting more real by the day... and my daily calendar says baby is one inch long! Keep growing, little one!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Prayers - Answered; Questions - Notsomuch

So many questions arise when one is pregnant. One that has haunted me has been, "Are these cramps normal?" I am not sure if I should be worried and the literature out there is of little help. I have no additional symptoms and no spotting, so I cannot imagine that it is problematic, but the explanations out there explain things as though I already know the difference between cramps from my uterus expanding and cramps due to a worrisome cause.

On Sunday, the cramps were in full swing and I was a bit concerned. I basically laid around all day long (and yet was still exhausted at the end of the day). I was still hurting when bed time came around and I hoped for a snow day. God works in mysterious ways because snow it did and I had the chance to work from home. On my couch. Feet up. I know God is listening - now if only I had my own personal on-call doctor to answer every question at my whim.

We did tell my parents on Friday night and it was wonderful. My mom cried and my dad made the little giggling noise he makes to keep himself from crying. We celebrated with dinner out and it was just a really nice night. We tell my dear MIL and GMIL this weekend and I think, after telling my folks, that DH is really excited about the reveal. He'd better be - we have to travel six hours to do it!

Friday, February 27, 2009

The first reveal

Tonight is the night that the secret of baby becomes known to my parents. They are in town and coming over tonight. Here's how we plan to do it.

My family likes games. DH and I have played Catchphrase with my parents on several occasions and had a blast. We intend to go through a couple of rounds and then I will say the following to DH as a clue, "Um. Okay, it has four eyes, four legs, four arms. Um... it has two heads and two hearts. Two hearts..." DH will hear "two hearts" for the second time and shout, "YOU!" We are figuring they will pick it up. If they don't, we will say, "Your turn, Nana and Papa (that's what they want to be called)!"

After the excitement dies a bit, we will present them with grandparent journals and onesies that say, "I love my Nana" and "I love my Papa" that I made on inktastic.com. I know it might not go exactly according to plan and I don't care. I am so excited to share this news with them.

I admit, though, that I am a bit nervous, too. A lot changes when they find out. First, they will be moving up here within a year and I think their schedule will accelerate a bit when they learn of baby. Second, I am no longer just their little girl. I am their grandchild's mother. That is crazy to think about. Me... a MOM!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

First Appointment was Today!!!

I was really nervous and got more nervous as the appointment continued. I checked in and the front desk lady asked me for my co-payment and a urine sample. I paid the $30 and headed to the rest room. My nerves became obvious when I spilled about half of the pee in my cup on my hand. I now understand why most doctors' offices have tops for said cups.

Back out to the lobby I went to see my husband and wait for the nurse to call me back. About ten minutes later, I heard my name from across the waiting room and followed the cartoon-scrubbed nurse back to the weigh station. First surprise - I have lost weight. Odd, I thought, but I was assured that it is normal, or at least not abnormal or anything to worry about. I answered her questions about symptoms - fatigue, check; nausea - check; breast tenderness - check, vomiting - nope! I felt tears forming as I realized (again) that this is real. I held it together, though, and she asked how many pregnancies I have had. "Zero," I said. "Er. I mean, one." My husband chuckled.

DH and I headed to the exam room. The nurse looked at us and said, "Take off everything from the waist down," and walked out. We laughed because she did not specify that it was me who was to remove our clothes. I remarked to DH that I love meeting people for the first time when I am not wearing pants.

After some conversation about how we can't believe we are here, the doctor came in and got down to business. She stared at the screen for a bit before asking when my due date was. Nervous. I answered and she said that looked to be the same. Relief. Then she said she was looking for the heartbeat. Nervous. Then she let us hear it. So much relief. Then, I saw the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Our baby's heart, flickering on the screen as we heard the fast little beats.

Amazing. It's the word that I think most often about this whole experience and today fit right in. AMAZING.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

First Appointment is Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day. We are headed to our first OB appointment as a couple expecting a child! they keep calling it the "pregnancy confirmation" appointment, which is a bit odd for me as I am pretty sure one of the four sticks on which I peed and my regular doctor's statement of "Congratulations!" confirmed it for me. If they had not, I think the symptoms pretty much make it a definite in my mind.

I am a bit annoyed. My doctor's office set my appointment with the wrong doctor. I have been seeing the same OB/GYN for five years and they somehow set my appointment with one of her partners. I freaked out at first when I got the appointment reminder message, which stated the wrong doctor's name, but thought about it for a while and realized that I will have to see each of the doctors throughout my pregnancy anyway, so I have calmed down a bit. I did call the office to ask for ways to make sure this does not happen again in the future, but still. Really? Like I don't have enough on my mind. Grr. I am mostly okay with it because my new doctor is my regular (non-GYN) doctor's doctor and friend, so I have some trust in that.

Today, my daily calendar said that baby's skeleton is rubbery right now and feels like the tip of my nose. It is so neat to think about! Yesterday, baby started forming elbows. I keep thinking about the first time baby uses those elbows to poke me in the middle of the night so I will feed him or her some ice cream!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A working babymamagonnabe in awe

This whole experience is truly amazing. There is a little person growing inside of me. I just repeat that to myself over and over again and I think our little one is already making me a better person. I start to get stressed and I think of the little one and try to calm down. The smile that inevitably crosses my face instantly enhances my mood. I get irritated with some other driver in traffic and same thing. Baby just makes other things in life seem so insignificant. DH and I have made a life (with God's help, of course) and we are going to be parents. I know that being a mom will be the most important job I have ever held.

Work. The idea of balancing work and family gets a little more complicated when I think of baby. I am very worried about being a good enough mom and still performing well at work. Last night was a late work night and I was hungry and exhausted. I just wanted to go home and eat and sleep, but I was stuck. I was in tears as I left the building because I was thinking, "How am I going to be a good mom when I do not know if I will be able to leave work on time on any given day?"

After talking it all over with DH upon my arrival home, though, I realized that I will make it work because I will also have him to help. I do not have to do it all, at least not all of the time. I also think I am overreacting to the whole thing because I am still hyper-emotional right now. The first ultrasound is in two days. We cannot wait to see the picture of our growing baby and I just know that sight will give me some perspective.

Friday, February 20, 2009


I am bursting and it's not just my bladder.

I want to tell people I am pregnant! Not telling my parents has gotten harder and harder, especially as additional symptoms pile on. They have decided to delay coming up to visit for one more weekend, so it actually works out perfectly - we will be able to tell them one or two days after the first ultrasound.

Colleagues - difficult because someone will either stop me in the hall on my dash to the bathroom (see the I AM PREGNANT sign blog for more on this) or all but refuse to leave my office when I am dying to find food. It also does not help that I am exhausted and my boss is piling things on me to take some of the pressure off of my two office friends who are pregnant - and playing both parts of show and tell.

Friends - Some just ask about when we are planning on having children. While that is not anything new, figuring out a way to answer without lying is a bit of a challenge. We have been sticking with "sooner rather than later" as the standard answer. It is definitely sooner than they know right now! Then there are those with whom I just want to share, not due to their prying, but because it just fits. A friend of mine called me today to tell me that she had delivered her third child - five weeks early. I would have loved to have shared my news with her so we could chat about it all and so she would know that I understand her fears a little more than I did seven weeks ago.

Keeping the secret from non-family is certainly a bit easier at this point because I do not want anyone to know before my parents and I want DH's mom to hear the news second. Any time I feel the urge to spill the beans about our little bean, I just remind myself that my mom and dad don't know yet and - poof! - urge gone.

Uh oh. Gotta run. The other part of me that is bursting is rearing its ugly head and I could get stopped in the hallway.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

aaaand.... BOOM!

Boom! Just like that the fatigue has set in. I am exhausted. I would put the old muffler joke out there (I dreamt about mufflers last night and I woke up exhausted), but I do not think I am sleeping for long enough stretches between potty breaks to allow for real dreams. Further, the small dreams I do have are so weird that mufflers would seem normal.

Last night, I made a good wholesome meal and really thought that I might fall asleep on top of my plate. I am now sitting at my desk, equally as tired, and starting longingly at the couch that is begging me to take a quick nap on it. Alas, if I want to get home any time soon, nap time is not on the agenda today.

I am currently reading "The Working Woman's Guide to Pregnancy," which states that a pregnant woman should rest whenever she can throughout the day. If your body says, "Rest," you should rest. I am not, however, quite sure how I would explain my afternoon snooze if someone were to walk into my office. Especially considering that nobody in the office knows I am pregnant yet.

I just hope I am not endangering the baby by not getting the sleep my body so desperately wants. I am figuring it does not affect baby, but it is really affecting me. I hope this phase does not last too long. I do know that falling asleep behind the wheel during my commute would be bad for the baby.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Cravings would be a great alternative to gas

Food is good. The only time I do not feel nauseous is when I am eating. I am trying to eat incredibly healthily so that baby gets the best of all the nutrients and the least amount of chemicals possible. I am, however, a working babymamagonna be, so sometimes the on-the-go meals or snacks may not be perfect. Neither am I, perfect that is, so it is all okay.

I am fascinated by food though, and not just by the idea of eating it. When I decide I want something particular to eat, is it a craving? Or is it just me wanting something particular to eat? We are blessed to be able to afford the food we want or need, so I have always kind of asked myself what I feel like and eaten it.

So far, I associate cravings with something either really odd (the cliched pickles mixed with ice cream) or something I do not have readily available and will go to any length to get. By my (completely unscientific) definition, I have not yet had a craving.

Another thing - I have now realized that I can use the idea of a craving to get whatever I want whenever I want it. Don't feel like cooking? "Oh, DH, I am really in the mood for the spaghetti at Bertucci's tonight. Nothing else tastes like it." In the mood for a snack we don't have in the house? "Oh, DH, the baby really wants [insert missing snack here]. Would you pleeeease go get it for us?"

I would never actually do these things, but I like knowing the power is there if I want it. While I figure out if my definition of craving actually fits the bill, I am again feeling a bit gypped on the feeling pregnant side of things. Aren't cravings part of it all?

With that question, I realize that pregnancy is the one thing about which movies have really warped my opinion. I truly think that morning sickness showing in the form of vomiting and strong, true cravings are required to be pregnant. Much like with morning sickness and feeling that vomiting during pregnancy is a rite of passage, I feel like having and succumbing to a craving is a requirement of the with child club.

The gas, constipation, and sore breasts tell me otherwise. Well, I am off to peel a tangerine. Because I want one. But I don't have to have one...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Baby is a Blueberry. Yummy.

Appleseed. Poppyseed. Pea. Now a blueberry. I understand trying to make the baby's size relatable to everyday items, but must they be food-related? Like I am not already thinking about food all day every day. Geez. Baby is blueberry-sized now and definitely taking over.

A while back I expressed a desire to have morning sickness. Turns out, I have had it all along. I just did not realize that m/s could take the form of severe nausea throughout the entire day. As it turns out, all of the horrible pain I have been in from gas and nausea is actually m/s. I have been squirming in meetings, trashcan spotting everywhere I go, watching for places to pull over while driving, and getting up in the middle of the night. Each time, I am sure it will be the time I actually vomit. Nope. Vomit would give me some relief. The aching belly and bloat just stick around.

Peachy. No, not peach... blueberrry. Yummm... where could I get a muffin about now?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Crazy Pregnant Woman

She appeared last night - the crazy pregnant woman. She arrived at about 11:00 p.m. with all of her tears and her fears. I was sure it would just be me hanging around as DH and I prepared lists of everything we needed to do between now and baby's arrival. Thinking getting all of these things down on paper and feeling more organized would make me feel better, I was quite surprised when I found myself harboring bad feelings.

I was freaking out. I do not know how we can get everything done in the time we have and I am most frustrated because I know I will be much less useful that usual as we are going about all of this. DH has plenty to worry about without having all of these things fall on his head, so I feel guilty about that. He assures me that he is happy to do it and that I just need to ask when I need something to be done, but I do not like that our dynamic - which has worked so well for so many years - is changing because of my inability to do certain things. I do not like it one bit. He says I need to accept it and that it is okay to need him a bit more. I say he fell in love with me in part because of my independence and I really wish that trait was not disappearing along with my waistline.

The other reason for crazy pregnant woman's appearance is my fear of not being a good mom. I want so badly to be everything this child needs and I am so scared I cannot do it. What if I don't want to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? What if I do not want to hold the baby in the morning after I am dressed for fear of being spit up on? What if I just want a break and the baby is crying? What if I am just really bad at the whole parenting thing?

The pain is getting pretty bad and the nausea is just ever-present. I really do not remember what a good bowel movement feels like, but I do know I would give anything to have one. I am afraid that crazy pregnant woman will continue to rear her very ugly head until I at least get that form of relief. I read yesterday that all of these abdominal pains continue, not only throughout the pregnancy, but even afterward as the uterus shrinks back to normal size. Great.

I am taking a deep breath (maybe three deep breaths like DH had me do last night) and remembering that this is all for baby.

Friday, February 13, 2009

No wine = Whine

It has been a rough week. Work was insanely busy and I have been feeling pretty crappy. Last night was the icing on the crappy feelingness, as I spent about 30 minutes on the bathroom floor, silently begging for the bad cramping and intolerable nausea to fade so I could crawl back into bed and try to sleep. It sucked because I had my first real work out for the first time since the BFP last night and it was wonderful. I swam for about 30 minutes and it hurt, but it was such a good hurt and the weightlessness felt amazing for my aching body.

On Wednesday night, after my third very rough day this week, I went home and sat down to dinner with DH, who has also had a rough week at work. The difference? He got to have wine and I did not. Now, I know there are some doctors who tell people they can drink in moderation during pregnancy and mine my even be one of them, but I am not taking any chances with our little one. The studies show that no amount of alcohol is safe, so I am sticking with no amount of alcohol. Unfortunately for DH, less wine for me means more whine!

I will be six weeks tomorrow, meaning baby is entering his or her seventh week of life. Less than two weeks until the first doctor's appointment and the first ultrasound. I cannot wait to see baby's little heart beating on that screen!

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Between the cramping, the gas pains, and the constipation, it seems my lower abdomen is constantly treating me to some small agony. I am thankful for it because I assume it means baby is taking what he or she needs and making room inside of my body, but OUCH!

Then, there are the headaches. I have suffered from migraines for eleven years now, so the headaches aren't such a big deal, but they do increase my desire to give in to the sleepiness and take a mid-day nap.

Next up - sore breasts. The girls have really started to ache the last few days. My nipples are in a permanent hard state and it sort of even hurts to walk because they rub against my bra. Awesome.

Back and leg aches. I frequently writhe around, trying to get comfortable. I do find temporary comfort in stretching the area that is aching, but is is pretty tough to figure out how to stretch some of the aching muscles. Especially during the work day. In a suit.

I wrote yesterday about how my daily calendar told me that baby is now the size of a pea. Man, now the story of the princess and the pea makes sense. Such a little thing really can make you too uncomfortable to sleep!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

If I had a crystal ball...

I found myself wondering last night what moment I would want to see in baby's life if I had a crystal ball (that would, for some reason, only work once). I thought it would be nice to see the moment baby is born with a clock in the picture so I can know how long labor will last once I start. That would be a waste, though. I also thought about wanting to see the moment my child makes a really bad decision so I could be ready to intervene when the time comes, but I want my child to make mistakes so he or she can learn from them. So, that would be a waste, too.

I have decided this: I would like to see the moment of my child's life that happens after I am no longer of this earth when he or she is the happiest. I do believe that my loved ones who have passed on watch over me and that they will also watch over my child, but I would love to see that moment now. To know that, no matter what I do or do not do as a parent, my child will experience that bliss in the future. This crystal ball view is obviously not going to happen, but the thought of it calms me for some reason.

In hindsight, I realize that no part of me thought about focusing on whether the child is a girl or a boy in my future seeing. That also calms me a bit. I have consistently said that I do not care whether we have a boy or a girl, as long as he or she is healthy. Guess I am not just fooling myself. I really do feel that way.

On another note, my day-by-day calendar from the baby's perspective came in the mail yesterday. I read this morning's entry and got so excited - baby is the size of a pea today. The calendar entry said he or she is now 10,000 times the size he or she was at conception. Truly amazing. I am humbled to be a part of this miracle. I called DH to read him the entry. He was equally moved. Hang in there, little pea!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I want a sign. Not a t-shirt, a sign, so I can wear it every day without adding to my laundry pile. The sign should say, "I AM PREGNANT."

This time before showing is rough and not only because of all of the symptoms that come along with the first trimester. People do not know I am pregnant because 1) I am not telling them yet and 2) I do not look pregnant. This creates many additional problems that could be avoided with the sign.

Scenario - Hallway outside of my office. Me gunning for the closest restroom (again). A co-worker says, "Hi," I respond, and then... he stops. I am trying with all of my might not to do the pee-pee dance in front of him as I feel that is unladylike, unadultlike, and unprofessional. He just will not stop chatting. I nod and smile and contribute as little as possible in a hope to end this what would otherwise be a pleasant conversation with a really nice guy. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, he would just move on out of the way as he sees me barrelling down the hall. No sign, no understanding.

Scenario - Public transportation. Me hoping desperately for a seat so I can relax - and maybe catch some much needed shut-eye - on the way home. A young guy pretty much shoves me aside to get the last open seat and continues to jam out to his iPod. I seriously consider standing over him and "accidentally" letting my bag smack him with each stop and go. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, I at least like to think that someone would have given me a seat. I don't have hope for the shover, but someone on that train has to be civil. No sign, no seat.

Scenario - Grocery store. Me piling my cart full of the favorite food of the moment. Me heading to the checkout line and getting all kinds of strange looks for the 10 packages of string cheese. What is so strange about that? Lots of people stop at the grocery store to buy string cheese. Ten packages. Nothing else. Okay, maybe not. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, people might snicker, but they would at least spare me the crazy looks.

Okay, so this great sign has one problem. It would tell the world I am pregnant and my family does not even know yet. Guess there is a reason (other than biology) that the bump does not show until around tri #2.

Soaking it up

I am reading everything I can find that is baby-related. I am officially addicted to thebump.com message boards. I checked on an Amazon.com order today, only to realize I had ordered four books related to pregnancy. I thought I had ordered two.

Before even beginning to TTC, I read the entire Mayo book from cover to cover and am now rereading it, this time as I think it is meant to be read, week by week. Rereading the section on my current week is not enough, though. I am reading the same text every night because I do not have anything else to read in bed! I finished "Belly Laughs" in a day (it is very short and an easy read) and, until my (four!) books from Amazon come in, I am without. I thought about reading my husband's "For the father" book, but thought against it. He loves sharing his little pearls of wisdom with me and showing me what he knows, so I do not want to take that away by knowing what is coming next in his reading.

I just love knowing what is happening with baby and the reassurance I get from reading that what I am experiencing is normal is just invaluable. I want to read it all in other sources, too. More is better, right? So, hurry Amazon and get my books to me. I definitely should have paid for upgraded shipping. Friday is a long way away.

Monday, February 9, 2009

"You got me feelin' emotions"

Okay, so when Mariah wrote the song she was singing about good emotions, but the title still fits. HOLY CRAP am I emotional. I am not a crier. There have actually been times in my life that I have been upset because I thought crying would help me feel better and I have not been able to produce the waterworks. Well, no shortage of them now. Let's review some of the times I have cried over the past 72 hours.

Telling my husband I am scared out of my mind? Check.
Watching "Scrubs" (yes, the ABC comedy)? Check.
In the shower, listening to "Miss Independent"? Check.
Driving to my parents' house, listening to nothing? Check.
Sitting in church, praying about the baby? Check.
Driving to work, listening to the traffic report? Check.
Sitting the the morning staff meeting? Almost. Thank God this one's not a check.

Upon reviewing the (somewhat abbreviated) list above, I will allow myself the "telling husband I'm scared" and the "sitting in church" tears because they seem reasonable enough. Seriously, though, crying during a comedy? While just sitting in my car? Puh-lease. Where did rational me go? Will she ever reappear?

It is not just tears either. It is much easier for me to get my feelings hurt these days. I do not like showing that my feelings are hurt, so I show anger instead of hurt. This causes me to be a little snippy with people over pretty stupid things. I consider one of my coworkers to be a good friend and she is 23 weeks pregnant. She and I have been snipping back and forth with each other all morning. It makes me angry...

...and that makes me want to cry.

Friday, February 6, 2009

We've created a great-grandchild (and other ramblings)

I realized this morning that baby will be the first great-grandchild for my mother's parents and DH's mother's mother. (The rest of our grandparents have passed on.) For whatever reason, that added a whole dimension of reality for me and also added an even larger sense of responsibility for me. It also put things in additional perspective for me - this baby is going to part of our family; this baby will, for better or worse, consist of genes from our relatives - not just from us. Kind of obvious once I realized it, but it made things a bit more real.

My parents are coming to meet me for lunch today. It is so hard not to tell them! I am not quite ready yet, though, and I want DH around to share in the surprise anyway. DH said last night that he is nervous about telling my parents. I think that is really cute. I mean, we know they are going to be thrilled and so excited. The only thing that makes me a bit nervous about telling them is they way we tell them. I want to be memorable and to be a good story.

Rewinding a bit, when we found out we were pregnant, it was not exactly a storybook-worthy moment. We had decided in December to stop trying not to have a baby, that we would see what happens, but not actively try to conceive. Needless to say, it was a bit of a (wonderful!) surprise when I took a test and it was positive. That is why DH had such a hard time believing it. It has just been easy so far and we did not expect that. So, when the test was positive, we just kind of sat there, staring at it, staring at nothing, staring at each other. We hugged and smiled and said, "Wow," but, there was no jumping up and down or screaming in joy or anything. I want the moments we choose to tell our families to include some of that pomp. I want baby to have some good stories!

DH got home really late last night due to a meeting. When he got into bed, I asked him if he wanted to say, "Hi," to the baby. He placed his hand on my belly and said, "Hi, baby." He's a keeper. Good thing!

Speaking of good stories (haha), I was so sure I was going to vomit this morning. So sure, which only proves further that I have absolutely no clue what is going on in my body. I guess I also sort of - and I recognize this is twisted - want the morning sickness. A day or two of it will be plenty, thankyouverymuch, but I feel like it is a rite of passage. Plus, all this nausea should be leading to something, right?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Hungry, Hungry, (not yet) Hippo

I am hungry. Constantly ravenous. Scavenging for food. Most odd of all, I do not want chocolate. I mean, I have no desire for the delicious cocoa bean in any form at all. Before one week ago, I was a chocolate addict. Seriously. Reese could go out of business. My grocery store could find itself with more stock that it can possibly sell.

I just finished eating my lunch. Well, I call it my lunch, even though it was actually my third meal of the day. I had leftovers from dinner last night - homemade rotini n' cheese with ground turkey and peas. I am hungry. I am really trying to figure out where I can get something that is yummy and healthy. I will figure it out or getting any more work done will be impossible.

DH called right as I was heating my lunch. We chatted for a bit until I heard a "pop" come from the microwave. I quickly said, "Hold on!" and dropped the phone so I could be sure my food had not exploded. Whew. It is fully in tact. I told him my lunch was ready and he said, "Go eat. You need to eat. You're eating for two now."

He thinks that if we both keep throwing cliche statements at one another, we will eventually believe that this is all really happening. I started writing in the baby journal last night, so I would think it would be sinking in, but I'm not sure it is. I think I thought I would go, body and mind, from not pregnant to pregnant, indisputably. It just does not work that way.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

First Appointment post-BFP

I spent yesterday afternoon at the doctor's office. I needed a doctor to confirm that I am pregnant, mostly because DH still did not really believe it. In truth, I'm not sure either of still really believes it. It is so surreal when I think about the little being growing inside of me.

I had told DH he could miss only one appointment through the pregnancy and that this was it. He had meetings in the afternoon and I did not think it would be worth if for him to skip out on them or scramble to reschedule just for this mini-appointment. Yesterday morning, though, he emailed me to say he was coming because he wanted to be there. Yup - I picked a good guy to be the babydaddygonnabe for my little one.

After waiting for 45 minutes because of the doc's meeting with a pharmaceutical rep, she came in and said, "Congratulations!" We just mumbled, "Thanks." It is just surreal. Have I mentioned that it is surreal? Because I am havin to head to the bathroom about five times more frequently than usual, she test for a UTI, which, thankfully I do not have. Apparently, baby is already letting my body know who's boss and pushing on my bladder as much as possible. I guess all of those earlier cramps were uterine stretching after all.

DH and I talked again last night about when we want to tell family. My doc recommended telling family immediately, but we really wanted to wait until the 8 week appointment. Something about seeing/hearing proof of the baby will make it more real and something more to share. So, now we are re-thinking the whole time line. No decision yet, but you'll hear it here first.

I keep going to different Web sites to read about what baby is doing today and to see images of what baby looks like right now. What an incredible, miraculous thing this is. I am so excited. And so scared. And so happy.

I love you, baby.

After my visit with the doc, I headed to the bookstore. I have already read the Mayo pregnancy guide, but I wanted to see what else is out there and also wanted to find some books for DH to read. I pretty much struck out for myself in terms of substantive information because I felt like each of the books I picked up covered information that is in the very comprehensive Mayo book. I did, however, buy "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McArthy and a pregnancy journal. I also found two books for DH. He was happy to get them and told me this morning that he is trying to "get through this book I'm reading so I can start on those." It makes me happy that he wants to read about it. We're both kind of academic that way. Knowing the facts makes coping a bit easier.

My cramps have subsided a bit at this point and only show from time to time. I think my boobs are a bit rounder, but can't say they are particularly bigger or all that sore. Constipation is definitely an issue. If I'm not constipated, I'm having diarrhea. It's awesome. Definitely no glow here... yet.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

First Appointment(s) scheduled!

I called my OB's office yesterday to set my first appointment. They see patients for the first time at 8 weeks, so I am scheduled for March 2, 2009.

DH still doesn't believe that the home pregnancy tests (up to four of them now) are actually positive proof of a baby growing inside of me, so waiting until 8 weeks was too much for me. I called my PCP (who I absolutely love) and she is seeing me today to do the blood work and, assumedly, give me the first official positive. I am really excited to see her for the first time about my pregnancy. She is awesome and very much like a friend, so it will feel like telling someone.

My parents and I are very close. Not sharing this with them is incredibly difficult, but I want to wait until I know things are progressing well before sharing the news. I think we are going to tell them shortly after the 8-week appointment, but time will tell.

The bloating has subsided a bit, as has the cramping. Nausea is definitely still present, but I have not yet vomited. My mother always told me she never felt better than when she was pregnant with my brother and me. I am hoping that is genetic!

Monday, February 2, 2009

First Neurotic Moment (of many, I'm sure)

Okay. So, I found out that I am pregnant on Sunday. On Saturday night, I went out to eat with DH and my parents. After debating between the rockfish and sea bass, I chose the sea bass because it was prepared "Hong Kong Style" and sounded yummy. It was.

Fast forward to Sunday. I get the BFP and (of course) go to thebump.com 1st Trimester message board. There I found a posting titled, "List of things not to eat?" Of course, when I clicked on the link within one of the responses, sea bass is on the list of foods to avoid due to high levels of mercury.

This morning (Monday), I call the restaurant that had the nerve to serve me the very sea bass I had ordered. I spoke with a manager who told me that it was wild caught sea bass from Chile and that the portions are 4-5 ounces. With that knowledge, I called the American Pregnancy Association, who told me that sea bass is not on the avoid list, but just on a moderation list that states no more than 3 servings of 6 ounces per month. They assured me that I (and baby) will be just fine.

I just may never eat fish (or at least sea bass) again.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Racing Mind is a Mommy's Mind

What to expect when you're expecting....

I imagine it is different for everyone. I am a bit obsessive (see earlier posts for proof) and I like to be in control, so this whole pregnancy thing is going to be quite a ride for me.

All day long, it has just been right along with me during everything I am doing. Buy an iPhone case. Realize the iPhone is probably the last splurge I/we will be making for quite some time that is not baby related. (Good thing we bought them last night.) Eat lunch. Realize I am actually eating for two (no matter how cliche that is), and opt for steamed veggies instead of mac n' cheese. Rest when I should be doing laundry. Excuse myself from chores because the baby needs me to rest. Hmmm... I might like this whole thing after all! :)

Anyway, this is just crazy. It is unexpected, but wonderful. Overwhelming, but so exciting. DH is still pretty numb I think, but he is definitely riding the emotional rollercoaster about it. He is waiting to get excited until after we got confirmation from a doc. Um, three tests. Three positive tests. Pretty sure it's confirmed. That and these freakin' gas pains, but there will be plenty more on that later, I'm sure.

Today, baby is probably somewhere between .014 and .04 inches long and trying to resemble a tadpole. Today, baby is growing inside of me. Deep breath - this is wild.

Babymamawannabe is a babymamagonnabe

Okay, so evaporation lines may be the devil, but that may not be what I saw after all.

BFP this morning... three of them actually. I tested once, saw a line, but DH did not think it was "distinct." Took a second, still not enough proof. Of course, when he's doubting, I'm doubting, because I was not sure what to think either. So, I went to the store and bought a digital - "YES+". I am pregnant. HOLY CRAPOLA.

So, I will be calling the doc tomorrow morning to schedule my first appointment. So far, I have already freaked out a little, gotten dizzy, cried, laughed, hugged, kissed, reassured, been reassured. You get the idea.

This is crazy stuff.

We conceived the weekend of MLK, Jr. Day and Inauguration Day. We left town to get away from the millions who were visiting our city for the historic event. Guess that did it.

Stick, baby, stick!!!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Evaporation Lines are the Devil

So, I have been feeling like total crap of late. Nauseas (though that's not really an uncommon thing for me), ridiculously awful cramps, shooting uterine pains, headaches, etc., you get it. I thought that, perhaps, I was going to be one of those lucky people who got pregnant right out of the TTC gate.

Well, yesterday, I POAS and got a BFN. Boo. I was disappointed and I think DH was, too. He is still very freaked about the idea of being a dad, but I saw in his eyes that he was sad and that he was surprised he was sad.

So, last night, I did what I knew I should not do. I dug the little test out of the trash and, what do you know, but there is a faint second line there. I stared at it. I mean really stared at it. I pretty much discarded the test immediately after the default line showed and did not really look that closely. "Maybe," I thought, "This faint line was my BFP, therefore overturning my BFN." And maybe not. I knew intellectually that I needed to wrap it back up and throw it back in the circular file, but I just kept staring at it.

I then ran into the office and hopped online, looking for even one iota of evidence that my evaporation line (I knew it was an evaporation line) was really a BFP. The whole time I was Googling, I was telling myself that I needed to give up, wait a few days, and POAS again. That is, after all, the only way I am actually going to know.

But I know. Harumph. Well, my BBT should come in the mail by early next week. Let the charting begin.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tipping Point

I wanna be a baby mama. Period.

After about a year-and-a-half of humming and hawing. It's true. I want to get pregnant, give birth, lose sleep, and raise a miserable teenager who will probably hate me (at least sometimes). I have reached the tipping point.

What is the tipping point when it comes to having a baby, you ask? The day you realize that, no matter how scared you are to have a baby, you are more scared that you never will. We have the financial means, steady jobs, a single family home, and supportive family and friends. It's time.

Yeah, so periods. I don't want those to come anymore. Okay, well, I want it to be able to come, but only so I know I am able to have it. So, this is what I want right now, in this order:

1) A period of appropriate flow and length.

2) To be ovulating.

3) A trackable cycle so I can tell when I ovulate.

4) To get pregnant.

Is that so much to ask? I guess time will tell. I have waited until the age of 30 to begin to try to conceive and did not really know what I was getting myself into when I started. It is a heck of a complicated process.

Even if all of the stars align, I ovulate, and DH and I happen to have sex around the time of ovulation, there is only a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant! Seriously? Geez!

Here goes nothing...