Friday, February 27, 2009

The first reveal

Tonight is the night that the secret of baby becomes known to my parents. They are in town and coming over tonight. Here's how we plan to do it.

My family likes games. DH and I have played Catchphrase with my parents on several occasions and had a blast. We intend to go through a couple of rounds and then I will say the following to DH as a clue, "Um. Okay, it has four eyes, four legs, four arms. Um... it has two heads and two hearts. Two hearts..." DH will hear "two hearts" for the second time and shout, "YOU!" We are figuring they will pick it up. If they don't, we will say, "Your turn, Nana and Papa (that's what they want to be called)!"

After the excitement dies a bit, we will present them with grandparent journals and onesies that say, "I love my Nana" and "I love my Papa" that I made on I know it might not go exactly according to plan and I don't care. I am so excited to share this news with them.

I admit, though, that I am a bit nervous, too. A lot changes when they find out. First, they will be moving up here within a year and I think their schedule will accelerate a bit when they learn of baby. Second, I am no longer just their little girl. I am their grandchild's mother. That is crazy to think about. Me... a MOM!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

First Appointment was Today!!!

I was really nervous and got more nervous as the appointment continued. I checked in and the front desk lady asked me for my co-payment and a urine sample. I paid the $30 and headed to the rest room. My nerves became obvious when I spilled about half of the pee in my cup on my hand. I now understand why most doctors' offices have tops for said cups.

Back out to the lobby I went to see my husband and wait for the nurse to call me back. About ten minutes later, I heard my name from across the waiting room and followed the cartoon-scrubbed nurse back to the weigh station. First surprise - I have lost weight. Odd, I thought, but I was assured that it is normal, or at least not abnormal or anything to worry about. I answered her questions about symptoms - fatigue, check; nausea - check; breast tenderness - check, vomiting - nope! I felt tears forming as I realized (again) that this is real. I held it together, though, and she asked how many pregnancies I have had. "Zero," I said. "Er. I mean, one." My husband chuckled.

DH and I headed to the exam room. The nurse looked at us and said, "Take off everything from the waist down," and walked out. We laughed because she did not specify that it was me who was to remove our clothes. I remarked to DH that I love meeting people for the first time when I am not wearing pants.

After some conversation about how we can't believe we are here, the doctor came in and got down to business. She stared at the screen for a bit before asking when my due date was. Nervous. I answered and she said that looked to be the same. Relief. Then she said she was looking for the heartbeat. Nervous. Then she let us hear it. So much relief. Then, I saw the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Our baby's heart, flickering on the screen as we heard the fast little beats.

Amazing. It's the word that I think most often about this whole experience and today fit right in. AMAZING.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

First Appointment is Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day. We are headed to our first OB appointment as a couple expecting a child! they keep calling it the "pregnancy confirmation" appointment, which is a bit odd for me as I am pretty sure one of the four sticks on which I peed and my regular doctor's statement of "Congratulations!" confirmed it for me. If they had not, I think the symptoms pretty much make it a definite in my mind.

I am a bit annoyed. My doctor's office set my appointment with the wrong doctor. I have been seeing the same OB/GYN for five years and they somehow set my appointment with one of her partners. I freaked out at first when I got the appointment reminder message, which stated the wrong doctor's name, but thought about it for a while and realized that I will have to see each of the doctors throughout my pregnancy anyway, so I have calmed down a bit. I did call the office to ask for ways to make sure this does not happen again in the future, but still. Really? Like I don't have enough on my mind. Grr. I am mostly okay with it because my new doctor is my regular (non-GYN) doctor's doctor and friend, so I have some trust in that.

Today, my daily calendar said that baby's skeleton is rubbery right now and feels like the tip of my nose. It is so neat to think about! Yesterday, baby started forming elbows. I keep thinking about the first time baby uses those elbows to poke me in the middle of the night so I will feed him or her some ice cream!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A working babymamagonnabe in awe

This whole experience is truly amazing. There is a little person growing inside of me. I just repeat that to myself over and over again and I think our little one is already making me a better person. I start to get stressed and I think of the little one and try to calm down. The smile that inevitably crosses my face instantly enhances my mood. I get irritated with some other driver in traffic and same thing. Baby just makes other things in life seem so insignificant. DH and I have made a life (with God's help, of course) and we are going to be parents. I know that being a mom will be the most important job I have ever held.

Work. The idea of balancing work and family gets a little more complicated when I think of baby. I am very worried about being a good enough mom and still performing well at work. Last night was a late work night and I was hungry and exhausted. I just wanted to go home and eat and sleep, but I was stuck. I was in tears as I left the building because I was thinking, "How am I going to be a good mom when I do not know if I will be able to leave work on time on any given day?"

After talking it all over with DH upon my arrival home, though, I realized that I will make it work because I will also have him to help. I do not have to do it all, at least not all of the time. I also think I am overreacting to the whole thing because I am still hyper-emotional right now. The first ultrasound is in two days. We cannot wait to see the picture of our growing baby and I just know that sight will give me some perspective.

Friday, February 20, 2009


I am bursting and it's not just my bladder.

I want to tell people I am pregnant! Not telling my parents has gotten harder and harder, especially as additional symptoms pile on. They have decided to delay coming up to visit for one more weekend, so it actually works out perfectly - we will be able to tell them one or two days after the first ultrasound.

Colleagues - difficult because someone will either stop me in the hall on my dash to the bathroom (see the I AM PREGNANT sign blog for more on this) or all but refuse to leave my office when I am dying to find food. It also does not help that I am exhausted and my boss is piling things on me to take some of the pressure off of my two office friends who are pregnant - and playing both parts of show and tell.

Friends - Some just ask about when we are planning on having children. While that is not anything new, figuring out a way to answer without lying is a bit of a challenge. We have been sticking with "sooner rather than later" as the standard answer. It is definitely sooner than they know right now! Then there are those with whom I just want to share, not due to their prying, but because it just fits. A friend of mine called me today to tell me that she had delivered her third child - five weeks early. I would have loved to have shared my news with her so we could chat about it all and so she would know that I understand her fears a little more than I did seven weeks ago.

Keeping the secret from non-family is certainly a bit easier at this point because I do not want anyone to know before my parents and I want DH's mom to hear the news second. Any time I feel the urge to spill the beans about our little bean, I just remind myself that my mom and dad don't know yet and - poof! - urge gone.

Uh oh. Gotta run. The other part of me that is bursting is rearing its ugly head and I could get stopped in the hallway.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

aaaand.... BOOM!

Boom! Just like that the fatigue has set in. I am exhausted. I would put the old muffler joke out there (I dreamt about mufflers last night and I woke up exhausted), but I do not think I am sleeping for long enough stretches between potty breaks to allow for real dreams. Further, the small dreams I do have are so weird that mufflers would seem normal.

Last night, I made a good wholesome meal and really thought that I might fall asleep on top of my plate. I am now sitting at my desk, equally as tired, and starting longingly at the couch that is begging me to take a quick nap on it. Alas, if I want to get home any time soon, nap time is not on the agenda today.

I am currently reading "The Working Woman's Guide to Pregnancy," which states that a pregnant woman should rest whenever she can throughout the day. If your body says, "Rest," you should rest. I am not, however, quite sure how I would explain my afternoon snooze if someone were to walk into my office. Especially considering that nobody in the office knows I am pregnant yet.

I just hope I am not endangering the baby by not getting the sleep my body so desperately wants. I am figuring it does not affect baby, but it is really affecting me. I hope this phase does not last too long. I do know that falling asleep behind the wheel during my commute would be bad for the baby.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Cravings would be a great alternative to gas

Food is good. The only time I do not feel nauseous is when I am eating. I am trying to eat incredibly healthily so that baby gets the best of all the nutrients and the least amount of chemicals possible. I am, however, a working babymamagonna be, so sometimes the on-the-go meals or snacks may not be perfect. Neither am I, perfect that is, so it is all okay.

I am fascinated by food though, and not just by the idea of eating it. When I decide I want something particular to eat, is it a craving? Or is it just me wanting something particular to eat? We are blessed to be able to afford the food we want or need, so I have always kind of asked myself what I feel like and eaten it.

So far, I associate cravings with something either really odd (the cliched pickles mixed with ice cream) or something I do not have readily available and will go to any length to get. By my (completely unscientific) definition, I have not yet had a craving.

Another thing - I have now realized that I can use the idea of a craving to get whatever I want whenever I want it. Don't feel like cooking? "Oh, DH, I am really in the mood for the spaghetti at Bertucci's tonight. Nothing else tastes like it." In the mood for a snack we don't have in the house? "Oh, DH, the baby really wants [insert missing snack here]. Would you pleeeease go get it for us?"

I would never actually do these things, but I like knowing the power is there if I want it. While I figure out if my definition of craving actually fits the bill, I am again feeling a bit gypped on the feeling pregnant side of things. Aren't cravings part of it all?

With that question, I realize that pregnancy is the one thing about which movies have really warped my opinion. I truly think that morning sickness showing in the form of vomiting and strong, true cravings are required to be pregnant. Much like with morning sickness and feeling that vomiting during pregnancy is a rite of passage, I feel like having and succumbing to a craving is a requirement of the with child club.

The gas, constipation, and sore breasts tell me otherwise. Well, I am off to peel a tangerine. Because I want one. But I don't have to have one...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Baby is a Blueberry. Yummy.

Appleseed. Poppyseed. Pea. Now a blueberry. I understand trying to make the baby's size relatable to everyday items, but must they be food-related? Like I am not already thinking about food all day every day. Geez. Baby is blueberry-sized now and definitely taking over.

A while back I expressed a desire to have morning sickness. Turns out, I have had it all along. I just did not realize that m/s could take the form of severe nausea throughout the entire day. As it turns out, all of the horrible pain I have been in from gas and nausea is actually m/s. I have been squirming in meetings, trashcan spotting everywhere I go, watching for places to pull over while driving, and getting up in the middle of the night. Each time, I am sure it will be the time I actually vomit. Nope. Vomit would give me some relief. The aching belly and bloat just stick around.

Peachy. No, not peach... blueberrry. Yummm... where could I get a muffin about now?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Crazy Pregnant Woman

She appeared last night - the crazy pregnant woman. She arrived at about 11:00 p.m. with all of her tears and her fears. I was sure it would just be me hanging around as DH and I prepared lists of everything we needed to do between now and baby's arrival. Thinking getting all of these things down on paper and feeling more organized would make me feel better, I was quite surprised when I found myself harboring bad feelings.

I was freaking out. I do not know how we can get everything done in the time we have and I am most frustrated because I know I will be much less useful that usual as we are going about all of this. DH has plenty to worry about without having all of these things fall on his head, so I feel guilty about that. He assures me that he is happy to do it and that I just need to ask when I need something to be done, but I do not like that our dynamic - which has worked so well for so many years - is changing because of my inability to do certain things. I do not like it one bit. He says I need to accept it and that it is okay to need him a bit more. I say he fell in love with me in part because of my independence and I really wish that trait was not disappearing along with my waistline.

The other reason for crazy pregnant woman's appearance is my fear of not being a good mom. I want so badly to be everything this child needs and I am so scared I cannot do it. What if I don't want to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? What if I do not want to hold the baby in the morning after I am dressed for fear of being spit up on? What if I just want a break and the baby is crying? What if I am just really bad at the whole parenting thing?

The pain is getting pretty bad and the nausea is just ever-present. I really do not remember what a good bowel movement feels like, but I do know I would give anything to have one. I am afraid that crazy pregnant woman will continue to rear her very ugly head until I at least get that form of relief. I read yesterday that all of these abdominal pains continue, not only throughout the pregnancy, but even afterward as the uterus shrinks back to normal size. Great.

I am taking a deep breath (maybe three deep breaths like DH had me do last night) and remembering that this is all for baby.

Friday, February 13, 2009

No wine = Whine

It has been a rough week. Work was insanely busy and I have been feeling pretty crappy. Last night was the icing on the crappy feelingness, as I spent about 30 minutes on the bathroom floor, silently begging for the bad cramping and intolerable nausea to fade so I could crawl back into bed and try to sleep. It sucked because I had my first real work out for the first time since the BFP last night and it was wonderful. I swam for about 30 minutes and it hurt, but it was such a good hurt and the weightlessness felt amazing for my aching body.

On Wednesday night, after my third very rough day this week, I went home and sat down to dinner with DH, who has also had a rough week at work. The difference? He got to have wine and I did not. Now, I know there are some doctors who tell people they can drink in moderation during pregnancy and mine my even be one of them, but I am not taking any chances with our little one. The studies show that no amount of alcohol is safe, so I am sticking with no amount of alcohol. Unfortunately for DH, less wine for me means more whine!

I will be six weeks tomorrow, meaning baby is entering his or her seventh week of life. Less than two weeks until the first doctor's appointment and the first ultrasound. I cannot wait to see baby's little heart beating on that screen!

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Between the cramping, the gas pains, and the constipation, it seems my lower abdomen is constantly treating me to some small agony. I am thankful for it because I assume it means baby is taking what he or she needs and making room inside of my body, but OUCH!

Then, there are the headaches. I have suffered from migraines for eleven years now, so the headaches aren't such a big deal, but they do increase my desire to give in to the sleepiness and take a mid-day nap.

Next up - sore breasts. The girls have really started to ache the last few days. My nipples are in a permanent hard state and it sort of even hurts to walk because they rub against my bra. Awesome.

Back and leg aches. I frequently writhe around, trying to get comfortable. I do find temporary comfort in stretching the area that is aching, but is is pretty tough to figure out how to stretch some of the aching muscles. Especially during the work day. In a suit.

I wrote yesterday about how my daily calendar told me that baby is now the size of a pea. Man, now the story of the princess and the pea makes sense. Such a little thing really can make you too uncomfortable to sleep!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

If I had a crystal ball...

I found myself wondering last night what moment I would want to see in baby's life if I had a crystal ball (that would, for some reason, only work once). I thought it would be nice to see the moment baby is born with a clock in the picture so I can know how long labor will last once I start. That would be a waste, though. I also thought about wanting to see the moment my child makes a really bad decision so I could be ready to intervene when the time comes, but I want my child to make mistakes so he or she can learn from them. So, that would be a waste, too.

I have decided this: I would like to see the moment of my child's life that happens after I am no longer of this earth when he or she is the happiest. I do believe that my loved ones who have passed on watch over me and that they will also watch over my child, but I would love to see that moment now. To know that, no matter what I do or do not do as a parent, my child will experience that bliss in the future. This crystal ball view is obviously not going to happen, but the thought of it calms me for some reason.

In hindsight, I realize that no part of me thought about focusing on whether the child is a girl or a boy in my future seeing. That also calms me a bit. I have consistently said that I do not care whether we have a boy or a girl, as long as he or she is healthy. Guess I am not just fooling myself. I really do feel that way.

On another note, my day-by-day calendar from the baby's perspective came in the mail yesterday. I read this morning's entry and got so excited - baby is the size of a pea today. The calendar entry said he or she is now 10,000 times the size he or she was at conception. Truly amazing. I am humbled to be a part of this miracle. I called DH to read him the entry. He was equally moved. Hang in there, little pea!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I want a sign. Not a t-shirt, a sign, so I can wear it every day without adding to my laundry pile. The sign should say, "I AM PREGNANT."

This time before showing is rough and not only because of all of the symptoms that come along with the first trimester. People do not know I am pregnant because 1) I am not telling them yet and 2) I do not look pregnant. This creates many additional problems that could be avoided with the sign.

Scenario - Hallway outside of my office. Me gunning for the closest restroom (again). A co-worker says, "Hi," I respond, and then... he stops. I am trying with all of my might not to do the pee-pee dance in front of him as I feel that is unladylike, unadultlike, and unprofessional. He just will not stop chatting. I nod and smile and contribute as little as possible in a hope to end this what would otherwise be a pleasant conversation with a really nice guy. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, he would just move on out of the way as he sees me barrelling down the hall. No sign, no understanding.

Scenario - Public transportation. Me hoping desperately for a seat so I can relax - and maybe catch some much needed shut-eye - on the way home. A young guy pretty much shoves me aside to get the last open seat and continues to jam out to his iPod. I seriously consider standing over him and "accidentally" letting my bag smack him with each stop and go. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, I at least like to think that someone would have given me a seat. I don't have hope for the shover, but someone on that train has to be civil. No sign, no seat.

Scenario - Grocery store. Me piling my cart full of the favorite food of the moment. Me heading to the checkout line and getting all kinds of strange looks for the 10 packages of string cheese. What is so strange about that? Lots of people stop at the grocery store to buy string cheese. Ten packages. Nothing else. Okay, maybe not. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, people might snicker, but they would at least spare me the crazy looks.

Okay, so this great sign has one problem. It would tell the world I am pregnant and my family does not even know yet. Guess there is a reason (other than biology) that the bump does not show until around tri #2.

Soaking it up

I am reading everything I can find that is baby-related. I am officially addicted to message boards. I checked on an order today, only to realize I had ordered four books related to pregnancy. I thought I had ordered two.

Before even beginning to TTC, I read the entire Mayo book from cover to cover and am now rereading it, this time as I think it is meant to be read, week by week. Rereading the section on my current week is not enough, though. I am reading the same text every night because I do not have anything else to read in bed! I finished "Belly Laughs" in a day (it is very short and an easy read) and, until my (four!) books from Amazon come in, I am without. I thought about reading my husband's "For the father" book, but thought against it. He loves sharing his little pearls of wisdom with me and showing me what he knows, so I do not want to take that away by knowing what is coming next in his reading.

I just love knowing what is happening with baby and the reassurance I get from reading that what I am experiencing is normal is just invaluable. I want to read it all in other sources, too. More is better, right? So, hurry Amazon and get my books to me. I definitely should have paid for upgraded shipping. Friday is a long way away.

Monday, February 9, 2009

"You got me feelin' emotions"

Okay, so when Mariah wrote the song she was singing about good emotions, but the title still fits. HOLY CRAP am I emotional. I am not a crier. There have actually been times in my life that I have been upset because I thought crying would help me feel better and I have not been able to produce the waterworks. Well, no shortage of them now. Let's review some of the times I have cried over the past 72 hours.

Telling my husband I am scared out of my mind? Check.
Watching "Scrubs" (yes, the ABC comedy)? Check.
In the shower, listening to "Miss Independent"? Check.
Driving to my parents' house, listening to nothing? Check.
Sitting in church, praying about the baby? Check.
Driving to work, listening to the traffic report? Check.
Sitting the the morning staff meeting? Almost. Thank God this one's not a check.

Upon reviewing the (somewhat abbreviated) list above, I will allow myself the "telling husband I'm scared" and the "sitting in church" tears because they seem reasonable enough. Seriously, though, crying during a comedy? While just sitting in my car? Puh-lease. Where did rational me go? Will she ever reappear?

It is not just tears either. It is much easier for me to get my feelings hurt these days. I do not like showing that my feelings are hurt, so I show anger instead of hurt. This causes me to be a little snippy with people over pretty stupid things. I consider one of my coworkers to be a good friend and she is 23 weeks pregnant. She and I have been snipping back and forth with each other all morning. It makes me angry...

...and that makes me want to cry.

Friday, February 6, 2009

We've created a great-grandchild (and other ramblings)

I realized this morning that baby will be the first great-grandchild for my mother's parents and DH's mother's mother. (The rest of our grandparents have passed on.) For whatever reason, that added a whole dimension of reality for me and also added an even larger sense of responsibility for me. It also put things in additional perspective for me - this baby is going to part of our family; this baby will, for better or worse, consist of genes from our relatives - not just from us. Kind of obvious once I realized it, but it made things a bit more real.

My parents are coming to meet me for lunch today. It is so hard not to tell them! I am not quite ready yet, though, and I want DH around to share in the surprise anyway. DH said last night that he is nervous about telling my parents. I think that is really cute. I mean, we know they are going to be thrilled and so excited. The only thing that makes me a bit nervous about telling them is they way we tell them. I want to be memorable and to be a good story.

Rewinding a bit, when we found out we were pregnant, it was not exactly a storybook-worthy moment. We had decided in December to stop trying not to have a baby, that we would see what happens, but not actively try to conceive. Needless to say, it was a bit of a (wonderful!) surprise when I took a test and it was positive. That is why DH had such a hard time believing it. It has just been easy so far and we did not expect that. So, when the test was positive, we just kind of sat there, staring at it, staring at nothing, staring at each other. We hugged and smiled and said, "Wow," but, there was no jumping up and down or screaming in joy or anything. I want the moments we choose to tell our families to include some of that pomp. I want baby to have some good stories!

DH got home really late last night due to a meeting. When he got into bed, I asked him if he wanted to say, "Hi," to the baby. He placed his hand on my belly and said, "Hi, baby." He's a keeper. Good thing!

Speaking of good stories (haha), I was so sure I was going to vomit this morning. So sure, which only proves further that I have absolutely no clue what is going on in my body. I guess I also sort of - and I recognize this is twisted - want the morning sickness. A day or two of it will be plenty, thankyouverymuch, but I feel like it is a rite of passage. Plus, all this nausea should be leading to something, right?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Hungry, Hungry, (not yet) Hippo

I am hungry. Constantly ravenous. Scavenging for food. Most odd of all, I do not want chocolate. I mean, I have no desire for the delicious cocoa bean in any form at all. Before one week ago, I was a chocolate addict. Seriously. Reese could go out of business. My grocery store could find itself with more stock that it can possibly sell.

I just finished eating my lunch. Well, I call it my lunch, even though it was actually my third meal of the day. I had leftovers from dinner last night - homemade rotini n' cheese with ground turkey and peas. I am hungry. I am really trying to figure out where I can get something that is yummy and healthy. I will figure it out or getting any more work done will be impossible.

DH called right as I was heating my lunch. We chatted for a bit until I heard a "pop" come from the microwave. I quickly said, "Hold on!" and dropped the phone so I could be sure my food had not exploded. Whew. It is fully in tact. I told him my lunch was ready and he said, "Go eat. You need to eat. You're eating for two now."

He thinks that if we both keep throwing cliche statements at one another, we will eventually believe that this is all really happening. I started writing in the baby journal last night, so I would think it would be sinking in, but I'm not sure it is. I think I thought I would go, body and mind, from not pregnant to pregnant, indisputably. It just does not work that way.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

First Appointment post-BFP

I spent yesterday afternoon at the doctor's office. I needed a doctor to confirm that I am pregnant, mostly because DH still did not really believe it. In truth, I'm not sure either of still really believes it. It is so surreal when I think about the little being growing inside of me.

I had told DH he could miss only one appointment through the pregnancy and that this was it. He had meetings in the afternoon and I did not think it would be worth if for him to skip out on them or scramble to reschedule just for this mini-appointment. Yesterday morning, though, he emailed me to say he was coming because he wanted to be there. Yup - I picked a good guy to be the babydaddygonnabe for my little one.

After waiting for 45 minutes because of the doc's meeting with a pharmaceutical rep, she came in and said, "Congratulations!" We just mumbled, "Thanks." It is just surreal. Have I mentioned that it is surreal? Because I am havin to head to the bathroom about five times more frequently than usual, she test for a UTI, which, thankfully I do not have. Apparently, baby is already letting my body know who's boss and pushing on my bladder as much as possible. I guess all of those earlier cramps were uterine stretching after all.

DH and I talked again last night about when we want to tell family. My doc recommended telling family immediately, but we really wanted to wait until the 8 week appointment. Something about seeing/hearing proof of the baby will make it more real and something more to share. So, now we are re-thinking the whole time line. No decision yet, but you'll hear it here first.

I keep going to different Web sites to read about what baby is doing today and to see images of what baby looks like right now. What an incredible, miraculous thing this is. I am so excited. And so scared. And so happy.

I love you, baby.

After my visit with the doc, I headed to the bookstore. I have already read the Mayo pregnancy guide, but I wanted to see what else is out there and also wanted to find some books for DH to read. I pretty much struck out for myself in terms of substantive information because I felt like each of the books I picked up covered information that is in the very comprehensive Mayo book. I did, however, buy "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McArthy and a pregnancy journal. I also found two books for DH. He was happy to get them and told me this morning that he is trying to "get through this book I'm reading so I can start on those." It makes me happy that he wants to read about it. We're both kind of academic that way. Knowing the facts makes coping a bit easier.

My cramps have subsided a bit at this point and only show from time to time. I think my boobs are a bit rounder, but can't say they are particularly bigger or all that sore. Constipation is definitely an issue. If I'm not constipated, I'm having diarrhea. It's awesome. Definitely no glow here... yet.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

First Appointment(s) scheduled!

I called my OB's office yesterday to set my first appointment. They see patients for the first time at 8 weeks, so I am scheduled for March 2, 2009.

DH still doesn't believe that the home pregnancy tests (up to four of them now) are actually positive proof of a baby growing inside of me, so waiting until 8 weeks was too much for me. I called my PCP (who I absolutely love) and she is seeing me today to do the blood work and, assumedly, give me the first official positive. I am really excited to see her for the first time about my pregnancy. She is awesome and very much like a friend, so it will feel like telling someone.

My parents and I are very close. Not sharing this with them is incredibly difficult, but I want to wait until I know things are progressing well before sharing the news. I think we are going to tell them shortly after the 8-week appointment, but time will tell.

The bloating has subsided a bit, as has the cramping. Nausea is definitely still present, but I have not yet vomited. My mother always told me she never felt better than when she was pregnant with my brother and me. I am hoping that is genetic!

Monday, February 2, 2009

First Neurotic Moment (of many, I'm sure)

Okay. So, I found out that I am pregnant on Sunday. On Saturday night, I went out to eat with DH and my parents. After debating between the rockfish and sea bass, I chose the sea bass because it was prepared "Hong Kong Style" and sounded yummy. It was.

Fast forward to Sunday. I get the BFP and (of course) go to 1st Trimester message board. There I found a posting titled, "List of things not to eat?" Of course, when I clicked on the link within one of the responses, sea bass is on the list of foods to avoid due to high levels of mercury.

This morning (Monday), I call the restaurant that had the nerve to serve me the very sea bass I had ordered. I spoke with a manager who told me that it was wild caught sea bass from Chile and that the portions are 4-5 ounces. With that knowledge, I called the American Pregnancy Association, who told me that sea bass is not on the avoid list, but just on a moderation list that states no more than 3 servings of 6 ounces per month. They assured me that I (and baby) will be just fine.

I just may never eat fish (or at least sea bass) again.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Racing Mind is a Mommy's Mind

What to expect when you're expecting....

I imagine it is different for everyone. I am a bit obsessive (see earlier posts for proof) and I like to be in control, so this whole pregnancy thing is going to be quite a ride for me.

All day long, it has just been right along with me during everything I am doing. Buy an iPhone case. Realize the iPhone is probably the last splurge I/we will be making for quite some time that is not baby related. (Good thing we bought them last night.) Eat lunch. Realize I am actually eating for two (no matter how cliche that is), and opt for steamed veggies instead of mac n' cheese. Rest when I should be doing laundry. Excuse myself from chores because the baby needs me to rest. Hmmm... I might like this whole thing after all! :)

Anyway, this is just crazy. It is unexpected, but wonderful. Overwhelming, but so exciting. DH is still pretty numb I think, but he is definitely riding the emotional rollercoaster about it. He is waiting to get excited until after we got confirmation from a doc. Um, three tests. Three positive tests. Pretty sure it's confirmed. That and these freakin' gas pains, but there will be plenty more on that later, I'm sure.

Today, baby is probably somewhere between .014 and .04 inches long and trying to resemble a tadpole. Today, baby is growing inside of me. Deep breath - this is wild.

Babymamawannabe is a babymamagonnabe

Okay, so evaporation lines may be the devil, but that may not be what I saw after all.

BFP this morning... three of them actually. I tested once, saw a line, but DH did not think it was "distinct." Took a second, still not enough proof. Of course, when he's doubting, I'm doubting, because I was not sure what to think either. So, I went to the store and bought a digital - "YES+". I am pregnant. HOLY CRAPOLA.

So, I will be calling the doc tomorrow morning to schedule my first appointment. So far, I have already freaked out a little, gotten dizzy, cried, laughed, hugged, kissed, reassured, been reassured. You get the idea.

This is crazy stuff.

We conceived the weekend of MLK, Jr. Day and Inauguration Day. We left town to get away from the millions who were visiting our city for the historic event. Guess that did it.

Stick, baby, stick!!!