We've created a great-grandchild (and other ramblings)

I realized this morning that baby will be the first great-grandchild for my mother's parents and DH's mother's mother. (The rest of our grandparents have passed on.) For whatever reason, that added a whole dimension of reality for me and also added an even larger sense of responsibility for me. It also put things in additional perspective for me - this baby is going to part of our family; this baby will, for better or worse, consist of genes from our relatives - not just from us. Kind of obvious once I realized it, but it made things a bit more real.

My parents are coming to meet me for lunch today. It is so hard not to tell them! I am not quite ready yet, though, and I want DH around to share in the surprise anyway. DH said last night that he is nervous about telling my parents. I think that is really cute. I mean, we know they are going to be thrilled and so excited. The only thing that makes me a bit nervous about telling them is they way we tell them. I want to be memorable and to be a good story.

Rewinding a bit, when we found out we were pregnant, it was not exactly a storybook-worthy moment. We had decided in December to stop trying not to have a baby, that we would see what happens, but not actively try to conceive. Needless to say, it was a bit of a (wonderful!) surprise when I took a test and it was positive. That is why DH had such a hard time believing it. It has just been easy so far and we did not expect that. So, when the test was positive, we just kind of sat there, staring at it, staring at nothing, staring at each other. We hugged and smiled and said, "Wow," but, there was no jumping up and down or screaming in joy or anything. I want the moments we choose to tell our families to include some of that pomp. I want baby to have some good stories!

DH got home really late last night due to a meeting. When he got into bed, I asked him if he wanted to say, "Hi," to the baby. He placed his hand on my belly and said, "Hi, baby." He's a keeper. Good thing!

Speaking of good stories (haha), I was so sure I was going to vomit this morning. So sure, which only proves further that I have absolutely no clue what is going on in my body. I guess I also sort of - and I recognize this is twisted - want the morning sickness. A day or two of it will be plenty, thankyouverymuch, but I feel like it is a rite of passage. Plus, all this nausea should be leading to something, right?

First Appointment post-BFP

I spent yesterday afternoon at the doctor's office. I needed a doctor to confirm that I am pregnant, mostly because DH still did not really believe it. In truth, I'm not sure either of still really believes it. It is so surreal when I think about the little being growing inside of me.

I had told DH he could miss only one appointment through the pregnancy and that this was it. He had meetings in the afternoon and I did not think it would be worth if for him to skip out on them or scramble to reschedule just for this mini-appointment. Yesterday morning, though, he emailed me to say he was coming because he wanted to be there. Yup - I picked a good guy to be the babydaddygonnabe for my little one.

After waiting for 45 minutes because of the doc's meeting with a pharmaceutical rep, she came in and said, "Congratulations!" We just mumbled, "Thanks." It is just surreal. Have I mentioned that it is surreal? Because I am havin to head to the bathroom about five times more frequently than usual, she test for a UTI, which, thankfully I do not have. Apparently, baby is already letting my body know who's boss and pushing on my bladder as much as possible. I guess all of those earlier cramps were uterine stretching after all.

DH and I talked again last night about when we want to tell family. My doc recommended telling family immediately, but we really wanted to wait until the 8 week appointment. Something about seeing/hearing proof of the baby will make it more real and something more to share. So, now we are re-thinking the whole time line. No decision yet, but you'll hear it here first.

I keep going to different Web sites to read about what baby is doing today and to see images of what baby looks like right now. What an incredible, miraculous thing this is. I am so excited. And so scared. And so happy.

I love you, baby.

After my visit with the doc, I headed to the bookstore. I have already read the Mayo pregnancy guide, but I wanted to see what else is out there and also wanted to find some books for DH to read. I pretty much struck out for myself in terms of substantive information because I felt like each of the books I picked up covered information that is in the very comprehensive Mayo book. I did, however, buy "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McArthy and a pregnancy journal. I also found two books for DH. He was happy to get them and told me this morning that he is trying to "get through this book I'm reading so I can start on those." It makes me happy that he wants to read about it. We're both kind of academic that way. Knowing the facts makes coping a bit easier.

My cramps have subsided a bit at this point and only show from time to time. I think my boobs are a bit rounder, but can't say they are particularly bigger or all that sore. Constipation is definitely an issue. If I'm not constipated, I'm having diarrhea. It's awesome. Definitely no glow here... yet.

Babymamawannabe is a babymamagonnabe

Okay, so evaporation lines may be the devil, but that may not be what I saw after all.

BFP this morning... three of them actually. I tested once, saw a line, but DH did not think it was "distinct." Took a second, still not enough proof. Of course, when he's doubting, I'm doubting, because I was not sure what to think either. So, I went to the store and bought a digital - "YES+". I am pregnant. HOLY CRAPOLA.

So, I will be calling the doc tomorrow morning to schedule my first appointment. So far, I have already freaked out a little, gotten dizzy, cried, laughed, hugged, kissed, reassured, been reassured. You get the idea.

This is crazy stuff.

We conceived the weekend of MLK, Jr. Day and Inauguration Day. We left town to get away from the millions who were visiting our city for the historic event. Guess that did it.

Stick, baby, stick!!!

Evaporation Lines are the Devil

So, I have been feeling like total crap of late. Nauseas (though that's not really an uncommon thing for me), ridiculously awful cramps, shooting uterine pains, headaches, etc., you get it. I thought that, perhaps, I was going to be one of those lucky people who got pregnant right out of the TTC gate.

Well, yesterday, I POAS and got a BFN. Boo. I was disappointed and I think DH was, too. He is still very freaked about the idea of being a dad, but I saw in his eyes that he was sad and that he was surprised he was sad.

So, last night, I did what I knew I should not do. I dug the little test out of the trash and, what do you know, but there is a faint second line there. I stared at it. I mean really stared at it. I pretty much discarded the test immediately after the default line showed and did not really look that closely. "Maybe," I thought, "This faint line was my BFP, therefore overturning my BFN." And maybe not. I knew intellectually that I needed to wrap it back up and throw it back in the circular file, but I just kept staring at it.

I then ran into the office and hopped online, looking for even one iota of evidence that my evaporation line (I knew it was an evaporation line) was really a BFP. The whole time I was Googling, I was telling myself that I needed to give up, wait a few days, and POAS again. That is, after all, the only way I am actually going to know.

But I know. Harumph. Well, my BBT should come in the mail by early next week. Let the charting begin.

Tipping Point

I wanna be a baby mama. Period.

After about a year-and-a-half of humming and hawing. It's true. I want to get pregnant, give birth, lose sleep, and raise a miserable teenager who will probably hate me (at least sometimes). I have reached the tipping point.

What is the tipping point when it comes to having a baby, you ask? The day you realize that, no matter how scared you are to have a baby, you are more scared that you never will. We have the financial means, steady jobs, a single family home, and supportive family and friends. It's time.

Yeah, so periods. I don't want those to come anymore. Okay, well, I want it to be able to come, but only so I know I am able to have it. So, this is what I want right now, in this order:

1) A period of appropriate flow and length.

2) To be ovulating.

3) A trackable cycle so I can tell when I ovulate.

4) To get pregnant.

Is that so much to ask? I guess time will tell. I have waited until the age of 30 to begin to try to conceive and did not really know what I was getting myself into when I started. It is a heck of a complicated process.

Even if all of the stars align, I ovulate, and DH and I happen to have sex around the time of ovulation, there is only a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant! Seriously? Geez!

Here goes nothing...