Friday, January 30, 2009

Evaporation Lines are the Devil

So, I have been feeling like total crap of late. Nauseas (though that's not really an uncommon thing for me), ridiculously awful cramps, shooting uterine pains, headaches, etc., you get it. I thought that, perhaps, I was going to be one of those lucky people who got pregnant right out of the TTC gate.

Well, yesterday, I POAS and got a BFN. Boo. I was disappointed and I think DH was, too. He is still very freaked about the idea of being a dad, but I saw in his eyes that he was sad and that he was surprised he was sad.

So, last night, I did what I knew I should not do. I dug the little test out of the trash and, what do you know, but there is a faint second line there. I stared at it. I mean really stared at it. I pretty much discarded the test immediately after the default line showed and did not really look that closely. "Maybe," I thought, "This faint line was my BFP, therefore overturning my BFN." And maybe not. I knew intellectually that I needed to wrap it back up and throw it back in the circular file, but I just kept staring at it.

I then ran into the office and hopped online, looking for even one iota of evidence that my evaporation line (I knew it was an evaporation line) was really a BFP. The whole time I was Googling, I was telling myself that I needed to give up, wait a few days, and POAS again. That is, after all, the only way I am actually going to know.

But I know. Harumph. Well, my BBT should come in the mail by early next week. Let the charting begin.

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