Baby needs to sleep

Baby needs to sleep. No, the little one is not (yet) moving around at night and keeping me awake. I am currently dwelling on the fact that we have to figure out what furniture to buy. The choices and variety of price points are overwhelming. I know... I should be used to this overwhelmed feeling by now, but I'm just not. We went to Buy Buy Baby on Sunday night and received an entire hour-long session on cribs and mattresses. Do we want drop-sided or static? Convertible or crib-only? If want a convertible, should it go just to toddler bed? Or also to full-size bed? Then, of course, are all of the questions that go along with the answers. If you want a convertible, are you sure you won't need the crib for a second child in the next few years? Umm... can I just get this one into the world before I start to think about the second one? PLEASE?!?

I have been having these little pains for a few days now. At first I thought perhaps I was feeling the baby earlier than most women feel their child, but then I realized that the description of a "flutter" that women use to discuss the first feelings of baby's movement did not quite capture the pangs I am feeling. Then, I thought that perhaps I am feeling baby's hiccups - it's about the right timing and the description of a feeling of "muscle jerks" is more in line with said pangs. No, pretty sure that is not it either. Maybe it is Braxton-Hicks contractions. Some women do feel them in the second trimester, but I am just starting the second trimester, so that does not make much sense. I have a scheduled appointment for Thursday, so I am holding out for two more days, though I did call the doctor's office to ensure that was the best course of action. As I have not had any bleeding, they agreed.

Side note - I can't believe we are having the "big ultrasound" in less than a month! Is baby be a boy or a girl? So exciting!!!

Mama Genes and Mama Jeans

How do I know I have the mother gene? Everyone who knows me seems so confident that I will make a great mother. I recognize that I am a caring person to whom most people find it very easy to talk. I know that I have a pretty good sense of humor and can keep my cool when it counts. What does all of that really mean? Yes, I am intuitive, but does that mean I will know what my baby needs? Would not being able to distinguish the dirty diaper cry from the hungry cry make me less of a mom? Sure, I know how to change a diaper and bathe a youngun, but does that make me more ready to be a good mom than someone who has never done those things?

In the end, I think it does come down to having a mom gene. I also have to - choose to - believe that it is also a lot about the desire to be a good mom. I have decided - and keep telling myself - that I do not have to be perfect... just good enough. Okay, so I want to be a little better than good enough, but I do not expect perfection from myself, my husband, or my child. Is that not a step on the road to "good" in terms of momminess? Sure hope so.

Now onto mommy jeans. I am not wearing them yet. I still have not gained any weight and that is plain weird. My waist is six - SIX! - inches thicker than before getting pregnant and yet I weigh less. Go figure. I have looked at those mommy jeans, though, and I have to say that they do not look so bad. Elastic instead of denim digging into my waist? CHECK!

Told the boss

I am such a chicken. I had no idea how much of a chicken I am.

I decided that yesterday was the day to tell the boss of our little miracle in development. I was 13 weeks, 3 days, and could not find a reason not to go ahead and share the news. Part of me wanted to just let me belly speak for itself, but since I am not even close to showing yet, decided my mouth should instead do the work.

I planned to tell her first thing in the morning. Didn't tell her until 3:30 in the afternoon. I am such a chicken. I kept gearing up and then chickening out. I called DH, who asked what I was afraid she would do, and I could only answer the truth, "Nothing. She will probably be really happy for me." So why the fear? I have no idea.

I ended up in her office at 3:30 and it went something like this: "Boss, I have never done this before and don't really know how, so I am just going to say it. I am pregnant." She said she was happy for me, asked how much time I would likely want to take off (don't know - at least 12 weeks), and we discussed how we would fill my job in my absence.

So, that's done. One more checklist item complete. 6 months and 1 day until the due date!

Migraine Hell

I have suffered from migraines nearly monthly (on the same timeline as my period) for about 12 years. The lack of their appearance throughout the first trimester was fantastic. I started to get a headache last Thursday. On Friday, I took the second Tylenol of my pregnancy and figured the nuisance would go away. Well, Saturday was the same. Sunday was awful. Monday, my day off - full-fledged migraine. My mother-in-law was in town and I really wanted to spend some quality time with her as she does not make it for a visit very often. Well, instead, I spent the day on the couch in the basement while she and DH did some touristy things around the area. I fought the guilt, but really did not have much choice but to play introvert thanks to the pain.

I called the doctor on Monday morning and they prescribed Fioricet to fight the miserable headache. DH picked up the prescription for me and I really did not want to take it. If I wanted to have a chance to function, however, I did not have a lot of choice. I took one at 11:30 a.m. and another six hours later. That pretty much did the job. Let's hope that is the last of that!

Much to catch up on

I know, I know. I have continued to slack. Work has continued to be absolutely crazy and I have continued to be absolutely exhausted. Anyway, enough excuses... onto the baby talk...

We looked at daycare options last week. I had very mixed feelings in touring the centers. On one hand, I thought, "Well, this is pretty nice, really, what was I worried about? These kids seems really content." On the other hand, I could not help thinking, "Oh no. I am going to leave my child here? With these people?" I would then start critiquing - "They don't _____." Insert any one of many options into that blank: speak English well; hold that baby the right way; pay attention to the sleeping child; clean up quite as thoroughly as I would. Yeah, because I am so perfect. And goodness knows I will be even less perfect once baby is in this world. All in all, it is just hard to think of leaving my child with someone else for the majority of the day each work day. Really hard. Even the idea of someone else feeding my baby my breast milk. It just feels wrong. It is not an option for me, though, to be with my child all day, so it is something I need to start getting a little more used to.

We had the "12 week" appointment at 11 weeks and 5 days. The nurse found the heartbeat right away - 156. We were excited to hear it again. It is so amazing that there are two hearts beating inside of me. The doctor then did the pelvic exam and that was not-so-exciting. I bled. A lot. That meant that I got to continue to lay on the table while the nurse went to get something to clot the bleeding and heal the scraped spots. All women experience softening of the cervix during pregnancy - apparently mine is worse than most. Great. That should make for more fun down the line.

We have started to tell friends and select colleagues about our joy. It has been great seeing/hearing everyone's reactions. I am looking forward to more conversations with others. I still have to figure out when to tell my boss. That will definitely be fodder for a blog entry.

We have scheduled the 20 week ultrasound for May 18th. Very exciting. Though we have not decided for certain that we are going to get the best guess on the gender, we are pretty sure we are going to ask. I plan, though, to ask the tech to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope for us. We can then unveil it together at home, rather than learning while I am half-naked on the office's table. Plus, we can save the paper for the baby book!