Told the boss

I am such a chicken. I had no idea how much of a chicken I am.

I decided that yesterday was the day to tell the boss of our little miracle in development. I was 13 weeks, 3 days, and could not find a reason not to go ahead and share the news. Part of me wanted to just let me belly speak for itself, but since I am not even close to showing yet, decided my mouth should instead do the work.

I planned to tell her first thing in the morning. Didn't tell her until 3:30 in the afternoon. I am such a chicken. I kept gearing up and then chickening out. I called DH, who asked what I was afraid she would do, and I could only answer the truth, "Nothing. She will probably be really happy for me." So why the fear? I have no idea.

I ended up in her office at 3:30 and it went something like this: "Boss, I have never done this before and don't really know how, so I am just going to say it. I am pregnant." She said she was happy for me, asked how much time I would likely want to take off (don't know - at least 12 weeks), and we discussed how we would fill my job in my absence.

So, that's done. One more checklist item complete. 6 months and 1 day until the due date!

Much to catch up on

I know, I know. I have continued to slack. Work has continued to be absolutely crazy and I have continued to be absolutely exhausted. Anyway, enough excuses... onto the baby talk...

We looked at daycare options last week. I had very mixed feelings in touring the centers. On one hand, I thought, "Well, this is pretty nice, really, what was I worried about? These kids seems really content." On the other hand, I could not help thinking, "Oh no. I am going to leave my child here? With these people?" I would then start critiquing - "They don't _____." Insert any one of many options into that blank: speak English well; hold that baby the right way; pay attention to the sleeping child; clean up quite as thoroughly as I would. Yeah, because I am so perfect. And goodness knows I will be even less perfect once baby is in this world. All in all, it is just hard to think of leaving my child with someone else for the majority of the day each work day. Really hard. Even the idea of someone else feeding my baby my breast milk. It just feels wrong. It is not an option for me, though, to be with my child all day, so it is something I need to start getting a little more used to.

We had the "12 week" appointment at 11 weeks and 5 days. The nurse found the heartbeat right away - 156. We were excited to hear it again. It is so amazing that there are two hearts beating inside of me. The doctor then did the pelvic exam and that was not-so-exciting. I bled. A lot. That meant that I got to continue to lay on the table while the nurse went to get something to clot the bleeding and heal the scraped spots. All women experience softening of the cervix during pregnancy - apparently mine is worse than most. Great. That should make for more fun down the line.

We have started to tell friends and select colleagues about our joy. It has been great seeing/hearing everyone's reactions. I am looking forward to more conversations with others. I still have to figure out when to tell my boss. That will definitely be fodder for a blog entry.

We have scheduled the 20 week ultrasound for May 18th. Very exciting. Though we have not decided for certain that we are going to get the best guess on the gender, we are pretty sure we are going to ask. I plan, though, to ask the tech to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope for us. We can then unveil it together at home, rather than learning while I am half-naked on the office's table. Plus, we can save the paper for the baby book!