Much to catch up on

I know, I know. I have continued to slack. Work has continued to be absolutely crazy and I have continued to be absolutely exhausted. Anyway, enough excuses... onto the baby talk...

We looked at daycare options last week. I had very mixed feelings in touring the centers. On one hand, I thought, "Well, this is pretty nice, really, what was I worried about? These kids seems really content." On the other hand, I could not help thinking, "Oh no. I am going to leave my child here? With these people?" I would then start critiquing - "They don't _____." Insert any one of many options into that blank: speak English well; hold that baby the right way; pay attention to the sleeping child; clean up quite as thoroughly as I would. Yeah, because I am so perfect. And goodness knows I will be even less perfect once baby is in this world. All in all, it is just hard to think of leaving my child with someone else for the majority of the day each work day. Really hard. Even the idea of someone else feeding my baby my breast milk. It just feels wrong. It is not an option for me, though, to be with my child all day, so it is something I need to start getting a little more used to.

We had the "12 week" appointment at 11 weeks and 5 days. The nurse found the heartbeat right away - 156. We were excited to hear it again. It is so amazing that there are two hearts beating inside of me. The doctor then did the pelvic exam and that was not-so-exciting. I bled. A lot. That meant that I got to continue to lay on the table while the nurse went to get something to clot the bleeding and heal the scraped spots. All women experience softening of the cervix during pregnancy - apparently mine is worse than most. Great. That should make for more fun down the line.

We have started to tell friends and select colleagues about our joy. It has been great seeing/hearing everyone's reactions. I am looking forward to more conversations with others. I still have to figure out when to tell my boss. That will definitely be fodder for a blog entry.

We have scheduled the 20 week ultrasound for May 18th. Very exciting. Though we have not decided for certain that we are going to get the best guess on the gender, we are pretty sure we are going to ask. I plan, though, to ask the tech to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope for us. We can then unveil it together at home, rather than learning while I am half-naked on the office's table. Plus, we can save the paper for the baby book!

Feeling better

I am not sure where it came from, but I am very happy it is here and I hope it sticks around. A bit of confidence, that is. I am actually feeling like I can handle this whole pregnancy and motherhood thing while still balancing work and my marriage. It feels good. I am also feeling a bit better lately (for the last two days) and sleeping a bit better. I am exhausted, but I am okay with that. I have functioned while tired before.

Part of it, I think, is realizing that I have family and friends to support me. A lot of it is recognizing more and more every day that DH is going to continue to be a wonderful partner and that he is going to be one amazing dad. I am so grateful for my loved ones. I am bursting to tell so many people about the baby!

One of my best friends is coming to town next weekend and I am very excited to share the news with her in person. I probably would have told her by now, but, knowing she was coming to town, made me decide to wait. The tricky part with her is that her husband does not want to have children and she very much does. I know she will be very happy and excited for us, but part of me is feeling a bit guilty about expressing my joy to her.