From Team Green to ...

The basement flooded on Wednesday night. I know that, at first blush, a basement flood does not seem to have much to do with a baby or pregnancy, but, in my crazy life, it does.

Our basement flooded 14 months ago and we woke up to find the damage already done. It was stressful, but we really took it in stride. On Wednesday night, however, we were just getting ready to pack it in and head to bed when DH looked over and shouted, "Oh S**T!" I looked over, mirrored his sentiment, and started running around like the crazy pregnant lady I am. Having built up in the stairwell, the water was coming through the door andwe were watching it happen. I grabbed every towel, sheet, and towel- or sheet-like object I could find. It was not until I was leaning against the door (in just my underwear - my robe was terrycloth) with the equivalent of a white sale that I realized I was hyperventilating and hurting. I was hurting quite a bit. My abdomen, in fact, was filled with shooting pains. I tried to calm myself down and, with DH's help, calmed my breathing. The pain remained.

I thought about heading to the hospital but decided against it, figuring that rest would make the pain go away. When I awoke just after 7:00 a.m. the next day, the pain was still around. There was more discomfort than pain, but I was worried, so I called the doc. He decided that it would be good to "take a look at the baby." I was grateful because I am pretty sure he was making that decision to ease my mind rather than out of concern.

11:30 a.m. - doc's office for an ultrasound.
12:00 p.m. - in ultrasound room.
12:02 p.m. - ultrasound tech types in, "Anatomy Check"

And that was it - we were going to find out the gender of our baby. We did not want to know while I was prone on an uncomfortable table, covered in goo, so I asked the tech to not tell us if she was able to tell and instead to write it down at the end of the appointment so we could find out when DH and I were together and home.

About five minutes into the ultrasound, DH said, "Hey! The baby just punched you." I said, "Yeah. Baby beats me up."

Baby looked perfect. All the measurements were just right or ahead and there are no signs of any potential problems. Depsite all of the poking and rubbing, baby did not change positions even once the whole exam. The tech was going crazy because we were able to see everything except the correct view of the spine. Baby just would not turn. The tech took a break at one point and, when she left the room, DH threatened to "turn this car around" unless baby turned. Baby did not care. After an hour had passed, the tech finally gave up on seeing the spine and went to get the doctor. Wouldn't you know? Baby turned in that amount of time and we saw the spine - also looking perfect. Stubborn, yes, but a real performer when it mattered.

We got home and went about some business with the house and with some work matters to which we both needed to attend. After I had finished all of my work, I told DH that I wanted both of us to write down what gender we thought the baby was the day before, what gender we thought after the exam, and the funniest name we could think of for that gender. He said, "Let's just look now." (Neither of us could stand knowing such an amazing piece of information was on a piece of paper just a few feet away.)

We went into the family room with the envelope, sat down on the couch, looked at the ultrasound pictures we had been given and then flipped them over.

"IT'S A BOY. CONGRATULATIONS."

A boy! A little boy! My son. A tiny DH. It's a BOY!!!

Baby needs to sleep

Baby needs to sleep. No, the little one is not (yet) moving around at night and keeping me awake. I am currently dwelling on the fact that we have to figure out what furniture to buy. The choices and variety of price points are overwhelming. I know... I should be used to this overwhelmed feeling by now, but I'm just not. We went to Buy Buy Baby on Sunday night and received an entire hour-long session on cribs and mattresses. Do we want drop-sided or static? Convertible or crib-only? If want a convertible, should it go just to toddler bed? Or also to full-size bed? Then, of course, are all of the questions that go along with the answers. If you want a convertible, are you sure you won't need the crib for a second child in the next few years? Umm... can I just get this one into the world before I start to think about the second one? PLEASE?!?

I have been having these little pains for a few days now. At first I thought perhaps I was feeling the baby earlier than most women feel their child, but then I realized that the description of a "flutter" that women use to discuss the first feelings of baby's movement did not quite capture the pangs I am feeling. Then, I thought that perhaps I am feeling baby's hiccups - it's about the right timing and the description of a feeling of "muscle jerks" is more in line with said pangs. No, pretty sure that is not it either. Maybe it is Braxton-Hicks contractions. Some women do feel them in the second trimester, but I am just starting the second trimester, so that does not make much sense. I have a scheduled appointment for Thursday, so I am holding out for two more days, though I did call the doctor's office to ensure that was the best course of action. As I have not had any bleeding, they agreed.

Side note - I can't believe we are having the "big ultrasound" in less than a month! Is baby be a boy or a girl? So exciting!!!

Told the boss

I am such a chicken. I had no idea how much of a chicken I am.

I decided that yesterday was the day to tell the boss of our little miracle in development. I was 13 weeks, 3 days, and could not find a reason not to go ahead and share the news. Part of me wanted to just let me belly speak for itself, but since I am not even close to showing yet, decided my mouth should instead do the work.

I planned to tell her first thing in the morning. Didn't tell her until 3:30 in the afternoon. I am such a chicken. I kept gearing up and then chickening out. I called DH, who asked what I was afraid she would do, and I could only answer the truth, "Nothing. She will probably be really happy for me." So why the fear? I have no idea.

I ended up in her office at 3:30 and it went something like this: "Boss, I have never done this before and don't really know how, so I am just going to say it. I am pregnant." She said she was happy for me, asked how much time I would likely want to take off (don't know - at least 12 weeks), and we discussed how we would fill my job in my absence.

So, that's done. One more checklist item complete. 6 months and 1 day until the due date!

Much to catch up on

I know, I know. I have continued to slack. Work has continued to be absolutely crazy and I have continued to be absolutely exhausted. Anyway, enough excuses... onto the baby talk...

We looked at daycare options last week. I had very mixed feelings in touring the centers. On one hand, I thought, "Well, this is pretty nice, really, what was I worried about? These kids seems really content." On the other hand, I could not help thinking, "Oh no. I am going to leave my child here? With these people?" I would then start critiquing - "They don't _____." Insert any one of many options into that blank: speak English well; hold that baby the right way; pay attention to the sleeping child; clean up quite as thoroughly as I would. Yeah, because I am so perfect. And goodness knows I will be even less perfect once baby is in this world. All in all, it is just hard to think of leaving my child with someone else for the majority of the day each work day. Really hard. Even the idea of someone else feeding my baby my breast milk. It just feels wrong. It is not an option for me, though, to be with my child all day, so it is something I need to start getting a little more used to.

We had the "12 week" appointment at 11 weeks and 5 days. The nurse found the heartbeat right away - 156. We were excited to hear it again. It is so amazing that there are two hearts beating inside of me. The doctor then did the pelvic exam and that was not-so-exciting. I bled. A lot. That meant that I got to continue to lay on the table while the nurse went to get something to clot the bleeding and heal the scraped spots. All women experience softening of the cervix during pregnancy - apparently mine is worse than most. Great. That should make for more fun down the line.

We have started to tell friends and select colleagues about our joy. It has been great seeing/hearing everyone's reactions. I am looking forward to more conversations with others. I still have to figure out when to tell my boss. That will definitely be fodder for a blog entry.

We have scheduled the 20 week ultrasound for May 18th. Very exciting. Though we have not decided for certain that we are going to get the best guess on the gender, we are pretty sure we are going to ask. I plan, though, to ask the tech to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope for us. We can then unveil it together at home, rather than learning while I am half-naked on the office's table. Plus, we can save the paper for the baby book!

I want to tell!

Oooh. I want to tell people about baby so badly! I decided long ago (before I got the BFP) that I did not want people to know until after the first trimester had ended. I decided that even more definitely after getting the BFP. We have told our parents and siblings and two close friends, but have otherwise kept our mouths shut. It is getting really hard.

From taking time off of work to visit daycare centers (we live in a big city, so need to be on waiting lists and we are already behind) to feeling sick and tired to being so excited, it is really difficult keeping this wonderful secret!

One of my best friends is coming to town this weekend. I would have told her by now, but decided to wait to tell her in person since I knew she was coming for a visit. I am excited to get to spread the news to one more person. DH asked last night how I plan to tell her. I am pretty sure I am just going with, "I'm pregnant," or something very similar. We have done the cute presentations with our families, so I am ready to just start blurting it!

Pregnancy Karma

We travelled over the weekend - to DH's hometown to share the news with his family. We stayed with friends and, on Saturday morning, I awoke to spotting. I was reading "The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy" the night before and it warned that you should not take your good fortunes of pregnancy too lightly because pregnancy karma would get you. I had simply mentioned to my friend on Friday night - during a conversation about my symptoms - that I was so glad I had not spotted at all. Karma hit me in the face all right!

I called the doctor on call and she said to go to the emergency room if I started to bleed like I was having my period and to take it easy. I got a kick out of this - "Do not insert anything into your vagina. So, no intercourse." Well, duh, I would think intercourse counts as inserting something into my vagina. The doc also said to call the office on Monday for an appointment if the spotting continued until then.

Everything cleared up by Sunday, so I was very relieved. I cannot believe I am already 9 weeks and 3 days! That means it has been more than five weeks since the BFP. Time has flown and yet I still cannot wait until the 26th when we have the next ultrasound.

Prayers - Answered; Questions - Notsomuch

So many questions arise when one is pregnant. One that has haunted me has been, "Are these cramps normal?" I am not sure if I should be worried and the literature out there is of little help. I have no additional symptoms and no spotting, so I cannot imagine that it is problematic, but the explanations out there explain things as though I already know the difference between cramps from my uterus expanding and cramps due to a worrisome cause.

On Sunday, the cramps were in full swing and I was a bit concerned. I basically laid around all day long (and yet was still exhausted at the end of the day). I was still hurting when bed time came around and I hoped for a snow day. God works in mysterious ways because snow it did and I had the chance to work from home. On my couch. Feet up. I know God is listening - now if only I had my own personal on-call doctor to answer every question at my whim.

We did tell my parents on Friday night and it was wonderful. My mom cried and my dad made the little giggling noise he makes to keep himself from crying. We celebrated with dinner out and it was just a really nice night. We tell my dear MIL and GMIL this weekend and I think, after telling my folks, that DH is really excited about the reveal. He'd better be - we have to travel six hours to do it!

The first reveal

Tonight is the night that the secret of baby becomes known to my parents. They are in town and coming over tonight. Here's how we plan to do it.

My family likes games. DH and I have played Catchphrase with my parents on several occasions and had a blast. We intend to go through a couple of rounds and then I will say the following to DH as a clue, "Um. Okay, it has four eyes, four legs, four arms. Um... it has two heads and two hearts. Two hearts..." DH will hear "two hearts" for the second time and shout, "YOU!" We are figuring they will pick it up. If they don't, we will say, "Your turn, Nana and Papa (that's what they want to be called)!"

After the excitement dies a bit, we will present them with grandparent journals and onesies that say, "I love my Nana" and "I love my Papa" that I made on inktastic.com. I know it might not go exactly according to plan and I don't care. I am so excited to share this news with them.

I admit, though, that I am a bit nervous, too. A lot changes when they find out. First, they will be moving up here within a year and I think their schedule will accelerate a bit when they learn of baby. Second, I am no longer just their little girl. I am their grandchild's mother. That is crazy to think about. Me... a MOM!

First Appointment was Today!!!

I was really nervous and got more nervous as the appointment continued. I checked in and the front desk lady asked me for my co-payment and a urine sample. I paid the $30 and headed to the rest room. My nerves became obvious when I spilled about half of the pee in my cup on my hand. I now understand why most doctors' offices have tops for said cups.

Back out to the lobby I went to see my husband and wait for the nurse to call me back. About ten minutes later, I heard my name from across the waiting room and followed the cartoon-scrubbed nurse back to the weigh station. First surprise - I have lost weight. Odd, I thought, but I was assured that it is normal, or at least not abnormal or anything to worry about. I answered her questions about symptoms - fatigue, check; nausea - check; breast tenderness - check, vomiting - nope! I felt tears forming as I realized (again) that this is real. I held it together, though, and she asked how many pregnancies I have had. "Zero," I said. "Er. I mean, one." My husband chuckled.

DH and I headed to the exam room. The nurse looked at us and said, "Take off everything from the waist down," and walked out. We laughed because she did not specify that it was me who was to remove our clothes. I remarked to DH that I love meeting people for the first time when I am not wearing pants.

After some conversation about how we can't believe we are here, the doctor came in and got down to business. She stared at the screen for a bit before asking when my due date was. Nervous. I answered and she said that looked to be the same. Relief. Then she said she was looking for the heartbeat. Nervous. Then she let us hear it. So much relief. Then, I saw the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Our baby's heart, flickering on the screen as we heard the fast little beats.

Amazing. It's the word that I think most often about this whole experience and today fit right in. AMAZING.

First Appointment is Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day. We are headed to our first OB appointment as a couple expecting a child! they keep calling it the "pregnancy confirmation" appointment, which is a bit odd for me as I am pretty sure one of the four sticks on which I peed and my regular doctor's statement of "Congratulations!" confirmed it for me. If they had not, I think the symptoms pretty much make it a definite in my mind.

I am a bit annoyed. My doctor's office set my appointment with the wrong doctor. I have been seeing the same OB/GYN for five years and they somehow set my appointment with one of her partners. I freaked out at first when I got the appointment reminder message, which stated the wrong doctor's name, but thought about it for a while and realized that I will have to see each of the doctors throughout my pregnancy anyway, so I have calmed down a bit. I did call the office to ask for ways to make sure this does not happen again in the future, but still. Really? Like I don't have enough on my mind. Grr. I am mostly okay with it because my new doctor is my regular (non-GYN) doctor's doctor and friend, so I have some trust in that.

Today, my daily calendar said that baby's skeleton is rubbery right now and feels like the tip of my nose. It is so neat to think about! Yesterday, baby started forming elbows. I keep thinking about the first time baby uses those elbows to poke me in the middle of the night so I will feed him or her some ice cream!

A working babymamagonnabe in awe

This whole experience is truly amazing. There is a little person growing inside of me. I just repeat that to myself over and over again and I think our little one is already making me a better person. I start to get stressed and I think of the little one and try to calm down. The smile that inevitably crosses my face instantly enhances my mood. I get irritated with some other driver in traffic and same thing. Baby just makes other things in life seem so insignificant. DH and I have made a life (with God's help, of course) and we are going to be parents. I know that being a mom will be the most important job I have ever held.

Work. The idea of balancing work and family gets a little more complicated when I think of baby. I am very worried about being a good enough mom and still performing well at work. Last night was a late work night and I was hungry and exhausted. I just wanted to go home and eat and sleep, but I was stuck. I was in tears as I left the building because I was thinking, "How am I going to be a good mom when I do not know if I will be able to leave work on time on any given day?"

After talking it all over with DH upon my arrival home, though, I realized that I will make it work because I will also have him to help. I do not have to do it all, at least not all of the time. I also think I am overreacting to the whole thing because I am still hyper-emotional right now. The first ultrasound is in two days. We cannot wait to see the picture of our growing baby and I just know that sight will give me some perspective.

Bursting

I am bursting and it's not just my bladder.

I want to tell people I am pregnant! Not telling my parents has gotten harder and harder, especially as additional symptoms pile on. They have decided to delay coming up to visit for one more weekend, so it actually works out perfectly - we will be able to tell them one or two days after the first ultrasound.

Colleagues - difficult because someone will either stop me in the hall on my dash to the bathroom (see the I AM PREGNANT sign blog for more on this) or all but refuse to leave my office when I am dying to find food. It also does not help that I am exhausted and my boss is piling things on me to take some of the pressure off of my two office friends who are pregnant - and playing both parts of show and tell.

Friends - Some just ask about when we are planning on having children. While that is not anything new, figuring out a way to answer without lying is a bit of a challenge. We have been sticking with "sooner rather than later" as the standard answer. It is definitely sooner than they know right now! Then there are those with whom I just want to share, not due to their prying, but because it just fits. A friend of mine called me today to tell me that she had delivered her third child - five weeks early. I would have loved to have shared my news with her so we could chat about it all and so she would know that I understand her fears a little more than I did seven weeks ago.

Keeping the secret from non-family is certainly a bit easier at this point because I do not want anyone to know before my parents and I want DH's mom to hear the news second. Any time I feel the urge to spill the beans about our little bean, I just remind myself that my mom and dad don't know yet and - poof! - urge gone.

Uh oh. Gotta run. The other part of me that is bursting is rearing its ugly head and I could get stopped in the hallway.

aaaand.... BOOM!

Boom! Just like that the fatigue has set in. I am exhausted. I would put the old muffler joke out there (I dreamt about mufflers last night and I woke up exhausted), but I do not think I am sleeping for long enough stretches between potty breaks to allow for real dreams. Further, the small dreams I do have are so weird that mufflers would seem normal.

Last night, I made a good wholesome meal and really thought that I might fall asleep on top of my plate. I am now sitting at my desk, equally as tired, and starting longingly at the couch that is begging me to take a quick nap on it. Alas, if I want to get home any time soon, nap time is not on the agenda today.

I am currently reading "The Working Woman's Guide to Pregnancy," which states that a pregnant woman should rest whenever she can throughout the day. If your body says, "Rest," you should rest. I am not, however, quite sure how I would explain my afternoon snooze if someone were to walk into my office. Especially considering that nobody in the office knows I am pregnant yet.

I just hope I am not endangering the baby by not getting the sleep my body so desperately wants. I am figuring it does not affect baby, but it is really affecting me. I hope this phase does not last too long. I do know that falling asleep behind the wheel during my commute would be bad for the baby.

Cravings would be a great alternative to gas

Food is good. The only time I do not feel nauseous is when I am eating. I am trying to eat incredibly healthily so that baby gets the best of all the nutrients and the least amount of chemicals possible. I am, however, a working babymamagonna be, so sometimes the on-the-go meals or snacks may not be perfect. Neither am I, perfect that is, so it is all okay.

I am fascinated by food though, and not just by the idea of eating it. When I decide I want something particular to eat, is it a craving? Or is it just me wanting something particular to eat? We are blessed to be able to afford the food we want or need, so I have always kind of asked myself what I feel like and eaten it.

So far, I associate cravings with something either really odd (the cliched pickles mixed with ice cream) or something I do not have readily available and will go to any length to get. By my (completely unscientific) definition, I have not yet had a craving.

Another thing - I have now realized that I can use the idea of a craving to get whatever I want whenever I want it. Don't feel like cooking? "Oh, DH, I am really in the mood for the spaghetti at Bertucci's tonight. Nothing else tastes like it." In the mood for a snack we don't have in the house? "Oh, DH, the baby really wants [insert missing snack here]. Would you pleeeease go get it for us?"

I would never actually do these things, but I like knowing the power is there if I want it. While I figure out if my definition of craving actually fits the bill, I am again feeling a bit gypped on the feeling pregnant side of things. Aren't cravings part of it all?

With that question, I realize that pregnancy is the one thing about which movies have really warped my opinion. I truly think that morning sickness showing in the form of vomiting and strong, true cravings are required to be pregnant. Much like with morning sickness and feeling that vomiting during pregnancy is a rite of passage, I feel like having and succumbing to a craving is a requirement of the with child club.

The gas, constipation, and sore breasts tell me otherwise. Well, I am off to peel a tangerine. Because I want one. But I don't have to have one...

Baby is a Blueberry. Yummy.

Appleseed. Poppyseed. Pea. Now a blueberry. I understand trying to make the baby's size relatable to everyday items, but must they be food-related? Like I am not already thinking about food all day every day. Geez. Baby is blueberry-sized now and definitely taking over.

A while back I expressed a desire to have morning sickness. Turns out, I have had it all along. I just did not realize that m/s could take the form of severe nausea throughout the entire day. As it turns out, all of the horrible pain I have been in from gas and nausea is actually m/s. I have been squirming in meetings, trashcan spotting everywhere I go, watching for places to pull over while driving, and getting up in the middle of the night. Each time, I am sure it will be the time I actually vomit. Nope. Vomit would give me some relief. The aching belly and bloat just stick around.

Peachy. No, not peach... blueberrry. Yummm... where could I get a muffin about now?

Crazy Pregnant Woman

She appeared last night - the crazy pregnant woman. She arrived at about 11:00 p.m. with all of her tears and her fears. I was sure it would just be me hanging around as DH and I prepared lists of everything we needed to do between now and baby's arrival. Thinking getting all of these things down on paper and feeling more organized would make me feel better, I was quite surprised when I found myself harboring bad feelings.

I was freaking out. I do not know how we can get everything done in the time we have and I am most frustrated because I know I will be much less useful that usual as we are going about all of this. DH has plenty to worry about without having all of these things fall on his head, so I feel guilty about that. He assures me that he is happy to do it and that I just need to ask when I need something to be done, but I do not like that our dynamic - which has worked so well for so many years - is changing because of my inability to do certain things. I do not like it one bit. He says I need to accept it and that it is okay to need him a bit more. I say he fell in love with me in part because of my independence and I really wish that trait was not disappearing along with my waistline.

The other reason for crazy pregnant woman's appearance is my fear of not being a good mom. I want so badly to be everything this child needs and I am so scared I cannot do it. What if I don't want to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? What if I do not want to hold the baby in the morning after I am dressed for fear of being spit up on? What if I just want a break and the baby is crying? What if I am just really bad at the whole parenting thing?

The pain is getting pretty bad and the nausea is just ever-present. I really do not remember what a good bowel movement feels like, but I do know I would give anything to have one. I am afraid that crazy pregnant woman will continue to rear her very ugly head until I at least get that form of relief. I read yesterday that all of these abdominal pains continue, not only throughout the pregnancy, but even afterward as the uterus shrinks back to normal size. Great.

I am taking a deep breath (maybe three deep breaths like DH had me do last night) and remembering that this is all for baby.

Ouch

Between the cramping, the gas pains, and the constipation, it seems my lower abdomen is constantly treating me to some small agony. I am thankful for it because I assume it means baby is taking what he or she needs and making room inside of my body, but OUCH!

Then, there are the headaches. I have suffered from migraines for eleven years now, so the headaches aren't such a big deal, but they do increase my desire to give in to the sleepiness and take a mid-day nap.

Next up - sore breasts. The girls have really started to ache the last few days. My nipples are in a permanent hard state and it sort of even hurts to walk because they rub against my bra. Awesome.

Back and leg aches. I frequently writhe around, trying to get comfortable. I do find temporary comfort in stretching the area that is aching, but is is pretty tough to figure out how to stretch some of the aching muscles. Especially during the work day. In a suit.

I wrote yesterday about how my daily calendar told me that baby is now the size of a pea. Man, now the story of the princess and the pea makes sense. Such a little thing really can make you too uncomfortable to sleep!

If I had a crystal ball...

I found myself wondering last night what moment I would want to see in baby's life if I had a crystal ball (that would, for some reason, only work once). I thought it would be nice to see the moment baby is born with a clock in the picture so I can know how long labor will last once I start. That would be a waste, though. I also thought about wanting to see the moment my child makes a really bad decision so I could be ready to intervene when the time comes, but I want my child to make mistakes so he or she can learn from them. So, that would be a waste, too.

I have decided this: I would like to see the moment of my child's life that happens after I am no longer of this earth when he or she is the happiest. I do believe that my loved ones who have passed on watch over me and that they will also watch over my child, but I would love to see that moment now. To know that, no matter what I do or do not do as a parent, my child will experience that bliss in the future. This crystal ball view is obviously not going to happen, but the thought of it calms me for some reason.

In hindsight, I realize that no part of me thought about focusing on whether the child is a girl or a boy in my future seeing. That also calms me a bit. I have consistently said that I do not care whether we have a boy or a girl, as long as he or she is healthy. Guess I am not just fooling myself. I really do feel that way.

On another note, my day-by-day calendar from the baby's perspective came in the mail yesterday. I read this morning's entry and got so excited - baby is the size of a pea today. The calendar entry said he or she is now 10,000 times the size he or she was at conception. Truly amazing. I am humbled to be a part of this miracle. I called DH to read him the entry. He was equally moved. Hang in there, little pea!

The I AM PREGNANT Sign

I want a sign. Not a t-shirt, a sign, so I can wear it every day without adding to my laundry pile. The sign should say, "I AM PREGNANT."

This time before showing is rough and not only because of all of the symptoms that come along with the first trimester. People do not know I am pregnant because 1) I am not telling them yet and 2) I do not look pregnant. This creates many additional problems that could be avoided with the sign.

Scenario - Hallway outside of my office. Me gunning for the closest restroom (again). A co-worker says, "Hi," I respond, and then... he stops. I am trying with all of my might not to do the pee-pee dance in front of him as I feel that is unladylike, unadultlike, and unprofessional. He just will not stop chatting. I nod and smile and contribute as little as possible in a hope to end this what would otherwise be a pleasant conversation with a really nice guy. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, he would just move on out of the way as he sees me barrelling down the hall. No sign, no understanding.

Scenario - Public transportation. Me hoping desperately for a seat so I can relax - and maybe catch some much needed shut-eye - on the way home. A young guy pretty much shoves me aside to get the last open seat and continues to jam out to his iPod. I seriously consider standing over him and "accidentally" letting my bag smack him with each stop and go. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, I at least like to think that someone would have given me a seat. I don't have hope for the shover, but someone on that train has to be civil. No sign, no seat.

Scenario - Grocery store. Me piling my cart full of the favorite food of the moment. Me heading to the checkout line and getting all kinds of strange looks for the 10 packages of string cheese. What is so strange about that? Lots of people stop at the grocery store to buy string cheese. Ten packages. Nothing else. Okay, maybe not. See? If I had my "I AM PREGNANT" sign, people might snicker, but they would at least spare me the crazy looks.

Okay, so this great sign has one problem. It would tell the world I am pregnant and my family does not even know yet. Guess there is a reason (other than biology) that the bump does not show until around tri #2.

Soaking it up

I am reading everything I can find that is baby-related. I am officially addicted to thebump.com message boards. I checked on an Amazon.com order today, only to realize I had ordered four books related to pregnancy. I thought I had ordered two.

Before even beginning to TTC, I read the entire Mayo book from cover to cover and am now rereading it, this time as I think it is meant to be read, week by week. Rereading the section on my current week is not enough, though. I am reading the same text every night because I do not have anything else to read in bed! I finished "Belly Laughs" in a day (it is very short and an easy read) and, until my (four!) books from Amazon come in, I am without. I thought about reading my husband's "For the father" book, but thought against it. He loves sharing his little pearls of wisdom with me and showing me what he knows, so I do not want to take that away by knowing what is coming next in his reading.

I just love knowing what is happening with baby and the reassurance I get from reading that what I am experiencing is normal is just invaluable. I want to read it all in other sources, too. More is better, right? So, hurry Amazon and get my books to me. I definitely should have paid for upgraded shipping. Friday is a long way away.